lawyer attorney jokes puns

307+ Lawyer Jokes (Attorney Puns)

Lawyer jokes or attorney puns are a specific category of humor that revolves around poking fun at the legal profession, particularly lawyers, attorneys, and the stereotypes associated with them.

These jokes often rely on common public perceptions and exaggerated characteristics of lawyers to create humor.

Here are some key characteristics of lawyer jokes:

  • Stereotypes: Many lawyer jokes rely on stereotypes about the legal profession, such as lawyers being dishonest, greedy, or manipulative. The jokes play on these widely-held beliefs to create humor, even though these stereotypes don’t represent all lawyers.
  • Wordplay: Like other puns, lawyer jokes often involve wordplay, using legal jargon or terms with double meanings to create humor. This can include clever use of legal phrases, acronyms, or idiomatic expressions.
  • Dark humor: Some lawyer jokes can be dark, touching on themes of death, crime, or moral ambiguity. This type of humor often highlights the perceived lack of ethics in the profession or the lengths lawyers might go to in order to win a case.
  • Absurdity: Many lawyer jokes use absurd scenarios or situations to make the punchline funny. These jokes may involve a lawyer interacting with other professionals, such as doctors, engineers, or even supernatural beings, to highlight the perceived oddities of the legal profession.
  • Exaggeration: Lawyer jokes often exaggerate the characteristics or behaviors of lawyers to create humor. For example, they may portray lawyers as overly aggressive, excessively verbose, or incredibly wealthy.
  • Accessible humor: While some lawyer jokes require a basic understanding of legal terms or concepts, many are designed to be accessible to a wide audience. The jokes may simplify or explain legal concepts to make them more relatable and easier to understand.
  • Self-deprecating humor: Some lawyer jokes are told by lawyers themselves, poking fun at their own profession. This self-deprecating humor can help humanize lawyers and show that they don’t take themselves too seriously.

It’s important to remember that lawyer jokes, like any form of humor, can be subjective.

What one person finds funny, another may not. Additionally, it’s crucial to be aware of the context and audience when sharing lawyer jokes, as some people may find them offensive or in poor taste.

With that said, we have hundreds of jokes, puns, riddles, and one-liners to choose from in this article.

Let’s take a look 🙂

Lawyer Jokes (Attorney Jokes)

Here are 22 lawyer jokes:

  1. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the other courtroom.
  2. What do you call a smiling, courteous person at a bar association convention? The caterer.
  3. Why won’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
  4. Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? Cats keep trying to bury them.
  5. How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving.
  6. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech? After you die, a leech stops sucking your blood.
  7. Why do they bury lawyers twelve feet deep? Because deep down, they’re really good people.
  8. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t know the law? A judge.
  9. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
  10. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
  11. Why did the lawyer go on a diet? They wanted to reduce their liability.
  12. Why don’t sharks attack lawyers on land? Professional courtesy.
  13. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
  14. How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? Just say “fees.”
  15. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? The rooster clucks defiance.
  16. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a bottom-feeding scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
  17. Why did the lawyer wear a necktie to court? To raise the bar.
  18. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? The prostitute stops screwing you when you’re dead.
  19. Why don’t lawyers play hide and seek? Nobody will look for them.
  20. Why do they call it legal briefs? Because they’re short and to the point.
  21. What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a vampire? A bloodsucker who charges by the hour.
  22. Why don’t sharks attack lawyers in the ocean? Even sharks know not to mess with creatures more bloodthirsty than they are.

Lawyer Puns (Attorney Puns)

Here are some lawyer jokes for you:

  1. What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
  2. Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
  3. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
  4. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the car accident on the other side.
  5. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
  6. What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon from hell? Another lawyer.
  7. How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving.
  8. Why did God create lawyers? To make used car salesmen look good.
  9. How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
  10. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a scum-sucking bottom dweller, and the other is a fish.
  11. How do you know if a lawyer is telling the truth? Their client’s lips are moving.
  12. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t know the law? Your Honor.
  13. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a rooster? The rooster clucks defiance.
  14. How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.
  15. Why did the lawyer go to heaven? To argue with St. Peter.
  16. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Senator.
  17. How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? Just say “fees.”
  18. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech? One is a bloodsucking parasite, and the other is an invertebrate.
  19. Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? Because deep down, they’re really nice people.
  20. How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? You can’t get a finger between the rope and their neck.
  21. How does a lawyer sleep at night? First, they lie on one side, then they lie on the other.
  22. Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? Cats keep trying to bury them in the sand.

Real Lawyer Reacts to LAWYER JOKES

Legal Puns

Legal Puns:

  1. Why did the lawyer refuse to represent the mosquito? Because it was a bloodsucker.
  2. Did you hear about the lawyer who crossed the road? He didn’t do it for any particular reason, he just wanted to bill the chicken for his time.
  3. I asked my lawyer if he knew anything about bird law. He said no, but he could wing it.
  4. Why did the lawyer wear a necktie to court? To keep his neck from running away.
  5. Did you hear about the judge who was arrested for disorderly conduct? He was found to be in contempt of his own court.
  6. I have a friend who is a lawyer and a chef. He’s always cooking up legal briefs.
  7. Why do they call it legal briefs? Because after you read them, you’re not sure if you’re wearing any.
  8. Why did the lawyer become a vegan? Because he didn’t want to represent any clients who were charged with battery.
  9. How does a lawyer sleep at night? First, he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.
  10. What do you call a lawyer who is bad at math? A sue-do mathematician.

Legal Jokes

Here are 23 legal jokes for you:

  1. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the other courthouse.
  2. What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer can let a case drag on for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.
  3. Why do they call it “legal briefs”? Because lawyers are rarely brief, and they’re hardly ever on your side.
  4. Why do lawyers wear suits? Because they want to look professional, as opposed to how they usually act.
  5. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The vulture eventually lets go.
  6. Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
  7. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a leech? One is a bloodsucking parasite, and the other is a type of worm.
  8. What do you call 1000 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
  9. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
  10. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t know the law? Senator.
  11. What do you call a lawyer who is afraid of flying? Grounded for litigation.
  12. Why did the lawyer become a vegetarian? Because he didn’t want to represent any “meatheads.”
  13. Why did the lawyer go to law school? To keep his options open.
  14. Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? Because deep down, they’re really good people.
  15. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
  16. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
  17. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo? The lawyer charges more.
  18. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a pitbull? Lipstick.
  19. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.
  20. Why do lawyers wear neckties? To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
  21. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger. The other is a fish.
  22. Why did the lawyer get lost on his way to court? Because he couldn’t find his briefs.
  23. What do you call a lawyer who works for the government? A civil servant… or a public nuisance, depending on who you ask.

Most Funny Lawyer Jokes

Here are some funny lawyer jokes:

  1. How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.
  2. Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
  3. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the car accident on the other side.
  4. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving.
  5. Why did the lawyer wear two watches? To bill twice as much time.
  6. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t know the law? A judge.
  7. What do you call 25 skydiving lawyers? Skeet.
  8. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
  9. Why did the lawyer go to bed? Because he wanted to pass the bar.
  10. Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? Cats keep trying to bury them.
  11. What do you call a lawyer who’s gone bad? Senator.
  12. What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law, but a great lawyer knows the judge.
  13. How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? Just say “fees!”
  14. Why did the lawyer go to the doctor? He was suffering from a case of “lawsuit-itis.”
  15. Why don’t lawyers ever ask for help? Because they don’t want to lower their billable hours.
  16. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.
  17. Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? Because deep down, they’re really nice people.
  18. What do you call a lawyer who works for minimum wage? Optimistic.
  19. Why don’t sharks attack lawyers on land? Professional courtesy.
  20. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
  21. How do you make a lawyer smile for a photo? Just say “fees!”
  22. Why don’t lawyers play hide and seek? Nobody will look for them.
  23. Why did the lawyer go to the bar association meeting? He heard there would be a lot of briefs.
  24. Why do they use rats for legal experiments? Because there are some things even a rat won’t do.
  25. How do you know if a lawyer is well hung? You can’t get your finger between the rope and his neck.

Law Jokes

Here are 20+ law jokes:

  1. Why do they call it “legal briefs”? Because they’re brief, and nobody reads them.
  2. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the car accident on the other side.
  3. How do you get a lawyer out of a tree? Cut the rope.
  4. Why did the judge break up with his court reporter? He said she was always stenographing behind his back.
  5. Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
  6. How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
  7. Why did the lawyer go to bed? Because he wanted to pass the bar.
  8. Why did the lawyer wear two shirts to court? He wanted to appeal to a higher court.
  9. What do you call a group of lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
  10. Why did the lawyer stop working on his jigsaw puzzle? Because he realized it was a case he couldn’t win.
  11. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t know the law? A defendant.
  12. How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
  13. Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? Cats keep trying to bury them.
  14. Why did the lawyer refuse to take off his shoes in the courtroom? He was afraid of committing solecism.
  15. How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? You can’t get a finger between the rope and his neck.
  16. Why did the lawyer bring a suit to court? He wanted to dress for success.
  17. Why did the lawyer bring a ladder to court? He was aiming for a higher verdict.
  18. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One’s a slimy bottom feeder, and the other one’s a fish.
  19. What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a vampire? A blood-sucking attorney.
  20. Why did the lawyer get into the personal injury field? He heard there was a lot of whiplash.
  21. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t argue? Unemployed.
  22. Why did the lawyer wear sunglasses to court? He wanted to make his case more appealing.
  23. What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad? Senator.

Attorney Ad – SNL

Short Lawyer Jokes

Short Lawyer Jokes:

  1. Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
  2. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the car accident on the other side.
  3. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t know the law? A judge.
  4. How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
  5. Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? Cats keep trying to bury them.
  6. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The vulture eventually lets go.
  7. Why don’t lawyers play hide-and-seek? Nobody will look for them.
  8. Why don’t lawyers use bookmarks? They prefer to bend the pages.
  9. How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? Just say “Fees!”
  10. Why did the lawyer refuse to wear a seatbelt? He wanted to sue the car manufacturer for the accident.
  11. What do you call a thousand lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
  12. How do you make a lawyer smile? Just pay him in advance.
  13. Why do lawyers wear suits? To hide their tails.
  14. How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung? You can’t get your finger between the rope and his neck.
  15. Why did the lawyer go to heaven? God was a judge, and He loved lawyers.
  16. What do you call a lawyer who’s gone bad? Senator.
  17. Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
  18. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take your shoes off before jumping on a trampoline.
  19. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only sucks blood at night.
  20. Why did the lawyer go to bed early? He wanted to get a head start on his nightmares.

Lawyer Dad Jokes

Here are 22 lawyer dad jokes for you:

  1. Why did the lawyer wear a necktie to court? To keep their neck out of jail.
  2. Why do they call it legal briefs? Because after reading them, you’re convinced you’ve just gone through a pair of boxers.
  3. Why did the lawyer refuse to argue in court? Because it was too time-consuming to get everyone to agree on a verdict.
  4. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t know the law? A defendant.
  5. Why do they call it “legal custody”? Because it’s the only time lawyers have anything to do with children.
  6. How do you know if a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving.
  7. What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge.
  8. What’s the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One is a scum-sucking bottom feeder, and the other is a fish.
  9. Why do lawyers wear suits? To cover up their lies.
  10. What do you call a group of lawyers in a swimming pool? A drowning verdict.
  11. Why do lawyers make good lovers? They’re used to screwing people over.
  12. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
  13. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the bar.
  14. How do you keep a lawyer from drowning? Take your foot off their head.
  15. Why do they bury lawyers 12 feet deep? Because deep down, they’re really nice people.
  16. Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
  17. Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? Cats keep trying to bury them.
  18. Why don’t lawyers get lost in the woods? Because they mark their trails with billable hours.
  19. Why don’t lawyers play hide and seek? No one will look for them.
  20. Why don’t lawyers ever get caught speeding? They’re experts at getting off on technicalities.
  21. Why don’t sharks eat lawyers? They’re not that desperate for food.
  22. Why did the lawyer take a vacation? To escape the case grind.

Lawyer Jokes – One-Liners

Here are 20+ one-liner lawyer jokes:

  1. “Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.”
  2. “What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t know the law? A judge.”
  3. “Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the other billable hour.”
  4. “How many lawyer jokes are there? Only three. The rest are true stories.”
  5. “What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer can let a case drag out for several years. A good lawyer can make it last even longer.”
  6. “Why do they bury lawyers 12 feet under? Because deep down, they’re really good people.”
  7. “Why did God create lawyers? So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.”
  8. “What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.”
  9. “How do you know if a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving.”
  10. “Why do they call it ‘legal briefs’? Because they’re so short and there’s never anything brief about the law.”
  11. “What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon? An ambulance chaser.”
  12. “Why did the lawyer go skydiving? He wanted to see if he could file a lawsuit from mid-air.”
  13. “What’s the difference between a dead skunk on the road and a dead lawyer on the road? There are skid marks in front of the skunk.”
  14. “How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.”
  15. “Why do lawyers wear neckties? To keep the foreskin from slipping up over their heads.”
  16. “Why don’t sharks attack lawyers on land? Professional courtesy.”
  17. “What’s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? A gigolo only screws one person at a time.”
  18. “Why did the lawyer refuse to represent the chicken in court? Because he heard the chicken was a poultry witness.”
  19. “Why don’t lawyers play hide-and-seek? Nobody will look for them.”
  20. “What do you call a lawyer who can’t argue? Your honor.”
  21. “Why don’t cannibals eat lawyers? Because they’re just skin and bones.”
  22. “Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? Cats keep trying to bury them.”

Paralegal Jokes

Paralegal Jokes:

  1. What do you call a paralegal who can’t speak? Mute testimony!
  2. Why did the paralegal break up with the lawyer? She found out he was just using her for her briefs.
  3. Why did the paralegal cross the road? To get to the courthouse on the other side!
  4. What do you call a paralegal who works for a famous artist? An art-iculate paralegal!
  5. Why did the paralegal refuse to draft a contract for a magician? She didn’t want to be held liable for any disappearing acts.
  6. Why did the paralegal go to the chiropractor? She had a brief case of back pain!
  7. Why did the paralegal take up gardening? She wanted to know how to file a brief with a green thumb!
  8. Why did the paralegal go to the dentist? She had a case of legal brief-itis!
  9. What did the paralegal say when she was asked to draft a contract for a pet store? “I’m not paw-sitive I can do it!”
  10. Why did the paralegal switch to a vegan diet? She wanted to avoid any potential beef with clients.

Jokes About Judges

Jokes About Judges:

  1. What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom? “Odor in the court!”
  2. Why did the judge sentence the farmer to 10 years in prison? He was guilty of killing thyme!
  3. Why did the judge wear sunglasses to court? Because he didn’t want to be influenced by the jury’s bright ideas!
  4. What did the judge say to the dentist when he was caught speeding? “You should know better than to use your drill on the highway!”
  5. Why did the judge refuse to eat seafood? He didn’t want to be shell-fish!
  6. Why did the judge make a good teacher? He was always handing out sentences!
  7. Why did the judge ask the defendant if he was hungry? He wanted to know if he had any appeals!
  8. What do you call a judge who never makes a decision? A judicial procrastinator!
  9. Why did the judge order a pizza in the middle of the trial? He wanted to have a slice of justice!
  10. What did the judge say when a lawyer came into the courtroom with a parrot on his shoulder? “You better watch your language, or I’ll hold you in contempt of bird!”

Lawsuit Jokes

Lawsuit Jokes:

  1. Why did the lawyer bring a ladder to court? He was hoping to climb the ladder of success!
  2. What do you call a lawyer who’s always on vacation? A legal beach bum!
  3. Why did the lawyer wear sunglasses to court? Because his future was so bright!
  4. What did the judge say when a lawyer couldn’t find his briefcase? “Well, it looks like you’ve lost your case!”
  5. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the other lawsuit!
  6. What did the lawyer say to the judge when he got caught in a lie? “Your honor, I plead temporary insanity!”
  7. Why did the lawyer bring a parachute to court? He was afraid of being held in contempt of court and being thrown out of the window!
  8. Why did the lawyer refuse to drink coffee? He didn’t want to be liable for any spills.
  9. Why did the lawyer go to the bank? He wanted to file a motion for summary judgement!
  10. Why did the lawyer go to the bar after the trial? To get a brief drink!

Lawyer Riddles

Here are some lawyer riddles for you:

  1. Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Because professional courtesy.
  2. Why do they call it “legal briefs”? Because they’re brief, and you’re supposed to wear them under your suit.
  3. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t know the law? A judge.
  4. What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a pit bull? An attorney who never lets go.
  5. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the bar on the other side.
  6. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The vulture eventually lets go.
  7. Why did the lawyer go skydiving? He wanted to experience the feeling of a free fall without any consequences.
  8. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Three – one to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
  9. Why do they bury lawyers under 20 feet of dirt? Because deep down, they’re really good people.
  10. Why did the lawyer refuse to take off his watch in court? He didn’t want to be charged with contempt of time.

Lawyer Knock-Knock Jokes

Here are some lawyer knock-knock jokes:

  1. Knock knock. Who’s there? Legal. Legal who? Legal beagle, reporting for duty!
  2. Knock knock. Who’s there? Briefcase. Briefcase who? Briefcase you didn’t know, I’m a lawyer!
  3. Knock knock. Who’s there? Sue. Sue who? Sue-per lawyer, that’s who!
  4. Knock knock. Who’s there? Court. Court who? Court of law, where I rule supreme!
  5. Knock knock. Who’s there? Justice. Justice who? Justice has been served!
  6. Knock knock. Who’s there? Litigation. Litigation who? Litigation is my middle name!
  7. Knock knock. Who’s there? Bar. Bar who? Bar exam, baby!
  8. Knock knock. Who’s there? Defendant. Defendant who? Defendant you believe I’m a lawyer?
  9. Knock knock. Who’s there? Testimony. Testimony who? Testimony-ally, I’m the best lawyer in town!
  10. Knock knock. Who’s there? Jurisdiction. Jurisdiction who? Jurisdiction over your case, of course!
  11. Knock knock. Who’s there? Appeal. Appeal who? Appeal to higher court, if necessary!
  12. Knock knock. Who’s there? Evidence. Evidence who? Evidence of my legal expertise!
  13. Knock knock. Who’s there? Justice. Justice who? Justice is blind, but I’m not!
  14. Knock knock. Who’s there? Legal. Legal who? Legal-eagle, reporting for duty!
  15. Knock knock. Who’s there? Attorney. Attorney who? Attorney you glad I’m your lawyer?
  16. Knock knock. Who’s there? Writ. Writ who? Writ of habeas corpus!
  17. Knock knock. Who’s there? Courtroom. Courtroom who? Courtroom drama, starring me!
  18. Knock knock. Who’s there? Legal fees. Legal fees who? Legal fees are nothing compared to the justice I provide!
  19. Knock knock. Who’s there? Gavel. Gavel who? Gavel in my hand, ready to bring down the law!
  20. Knock knock. Who’s there? Brief. Brief who? Brief me, I’m a lawyer!

Law School Jokes

Law School Jokes:

  1. Why did the law student break up with their significant other? Because they wanted to be a single plaintiff.
  2. How many law students does it take to change a light bulb? None. They would rather argue about whether the light bulb exists or not.
  3. Why did the lawyer wear a suit to court? Because they wanted to appeal to the jury.
  4. What do you call a group of lawyers? A lawsuit.
  5. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a scum-sucking bottom-feeder, and the other is a fish.
  6. Why did the lawyer go to bed? Because they wanted to pass the bar.
  7. How do you know if a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving.
  8. What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a bad lawyer? A bad lawyer makes your case drag on for years. A good lawyer makes it end quickly, but it still hurts just as much.
  9. Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
  10. Why did the law student go to law school? To learn how to object, Your Honor!

Law Student Jokes

Law Student Jokes:

  1. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the other side of the courtroom.
  2. Why do they call it “legal briefs”? Because they’re short and to the point.
  3. How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? Three: one to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
  4. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t know the law? A judge.
  5. Why do they bury lawyers 12 feet deep? Because deep down, they’re really good people.
  6. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? One is a bottom-dwelling, scum-sucking scavenger, and the other is a fish.
  7. What do you call a group of lawyers? A cartel.
  8. Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
  9. How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? Just say “fees”.
  10. Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? The cats keep trying to bury them.
  11. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? It depends on how much you’re willing to pay.
  12. Why did the lawyer refuse to take the case? It was an open-and-shut case, and he wanted to bill more hours.
  13. How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
  14. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito? One is a blood-sucking parasite, and the other is an insect.
  15. What do you call a lawyer who knows the law inside and out? A liar.
  16. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
  17. How do you know a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.
  18. Why did the lawyer go skydiving? He wanted to experience the thrill of a free fall without billing for it.
  19. How can you tell when a lawyer is bluffing? His lips are moving.
  20. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t know how to argue? Unemployed.
  21. How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they just declare darkness the new standard.
  22. Why do lawyers wear suits? To hide their tails.
  23. Why do they bury lawyers under the road? Because deep down they’re really good people.
  24. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor.
  25. How many lawyers does it take to change a lightbulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the manufacturer.
  26. What do you call a lawyer who has gone bad? Senator.
  27. What do you call a lawyer who represents himself in court? A fool for a client.

FAQs – Attorney Jokes

What are some jokes about lawyers?

10 Jokes about Lawyers:

  1. Why don’t sharks attack lawyers? Professional courtesy.
  2. How can you tell if a lawyer is lying? Their lips are moving.
  3. What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A good start.
  4. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vulture? The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
  5. Why don’t lawyers go to the beach? Cats keep trying to bury them.
  6. What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a demon? Nothing, there are some things even demons won’t do.
  7. Why did God create lawyers? So that real estate agents would have someone to look down on.
  8. How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? Three: one to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
  9. Why did the lawyer cross the road? To get to the car accident on the other side.
  10. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a trampoline? You take off your shoes before you jump on a trampoline.

What some of the best attorney jokes?

10 Best Attorney Jokes:

  1. Why did the lawyer wear a necktie? To keep their foresight from running into their hindsight.
  2. What do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your honor.
  3. How can you tell a lawyer is happy? They’ve closed a deal with a handshake instead of a lawsuit.
  4. Why do they call it legal briefs? Because after you read them, you know even less than before.
  5. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? It only takes one, but you’ll be billed for the time of the other five who reviewed the contract.
  6. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo? A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
  7. What do you call a lawyer who doesn’t know the law? A judge.
  8. How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? Just say “fees”.
  9. What’s the difference between a lawyer and a mosquito? A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
  10. What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a pig? A lawyer who doesn’t know the difference between a billable hour and a trough.

Conclusion

Lawyer jokes, also known as attorney puns, are a popular form of humor that often poke fun at the legal profession.

Some of the key characteristics of lawyer jokes include:

  • They are based on stereotypes: Many lawyer jokes rely on common stereotypes about attorneys, such as that they are greedy, dishonest, or unscrupulous.
  • They are often absurd: Lawyer jokes frequently rely on exaggeration or absurd scenarios to generate humor.
  • They involve wordplay: Attorney puns often involve clever wordplay, such as puns or double entendres that play on legal terms or concepts.
  • They are often self-referential: Lawyers themselves are often the target of attorney jokes, and many of these jokes are told and enjoyed by lawyers themselves.
  • They can be used to make a point: Some lawyer jokes are used to make a broader point about the legal system or society in general, such as the idea that lawyers are necessary but not always ethical.

It is worth noting that while lawyer jokes can be a source of amusement for many people, they can also perpetuate negative stereotypes about the legal profession and those who work in it.

As such, it is important to be mindful of the potential impact of these jokes and to avoid perpetuating harmful stereotypes or assumptions.

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