237+ Long Jokes [Best Long-Form Jokes]

Long jokes are a type of joke that typically takes a significant amount of time to tell and often involves intricate storytelling.

Here are some common characteristics of long jokes:

Detailed storytelling: Long jokes often involve detailed storytelling, with the teller taking the time to set up the situation, introduce the characters, and establish the context. This creates a rich narrative that draws the audience in and keeps them engaged.
Pacing and timing: A good long joke is carefully paced and timed to maximize its impact. The teller must be skilled at reading the audience and adjusting the delivery of the joke accordingly.
Punchline payoff: The payoff of a long joke is typically a single punchline that delivers the comedic twist or surprise ending. The punchline is often unexpected, and the humor comes from the contrast between the setup and the resolution.
Verbal humor: Long jokes often rely on verbal humor, such as puns, wordplay, and clever turns of phrase. The use of language is an essential part of the joke, and the teller must be skilled at using words to create humor.
Absurdity and irony: Many long jokes rely on absurd or ironic situations to create humor. The humor often comes from the contrast between the absurdity of the situation and the logic or expectations of the audience.

Some famous examples of long-form jokes include “The Aristocrats,” “The World’s Funniest Joke,” and the works of comedians such as George Carlin and Mitch Hedberg.

Funny Long Jokes

Funny Long Jokes:

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, where did you get that thing?” The parrot replies, “I won him in a spelling bee!”
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
Two guys stole a calendar. They got six months each.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
Did you hear about the mathematician who’s afraid of negative numbers? He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work!
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have tiny ant-bodies!

Good Long Jokes

Good Long Jokes:

A man walks into a restaurant and orders a steak. When the waiter brings it, he notices a fly on it and sends it back. The waiter brings him another steak, and this time there are two flies on it. The man gets upset and says, “What do you take me for, a bird?”
A man is driving down the road with a truck full of penguins. A police officer pulls him over and says, “You can’t drive around with all those penguins in your truck! Take them to the zoo!” The man agrees and drives off. The next day, the same officer sees the man driving down the road with the same truck full of penguins. He pulls him over and says, “I thought I told you to take those penguins to the zoo!” The man replies, “I did, officer. Today, we’re going to the movies!”
A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’ll have a whiskey…and a cola.” The bartender says, “Why the big pause?” The bear replies, “I don’t know, I was born with them!”
A man is stranded on a desert island for years. One day, a beautiful woman in a wetsuit washes up on the beach. The man can’t believe his luck and says, “Wow, it’s been so long since I’ve had a human companion!” The woman looks at him and says, “You’re in luck, I’m a great cook!”
A man goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, you gotta help me. I think I’m a dog!” The doctor says, “How long have you felt this way?” The man replies, “Ever since I was a pup!”
A man walks into a library and asks for a book on turtles. The librarian asks, “Hardback?” The man replies, “Yeah, with a little head and legs.”
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish!
Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? He made a mint!
Why was the belt arrested? For holding up pants!
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!

r/JOKES best long jokes from Reddit

Best Long Jokes

Best Long Jokes:

A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, “Free drinks if you can make our horse laugh.” The man thinks, “I can do that,” and goes outside. A few minutes later, he comes back in, and the horse is laughing so hard, tears are streaming down its face. The bartender asks, “What did you do?” The man replies, “I told him I had a bigger one than him.”
A farmer goes to a talent agent with a pig that can play the piano. The agent is skeptical but agrees to take a look. The farmer puts the pig on the piano, and it plays a beautiful piece of music. The agent is amazed and asks, “Can he do anything else?” The farmer says, “Yeah, he can sing too.” The agent asks, “What does he sing?” The farmer says, “Old MacDonald had a Farm.”
A man walks into a pet store and sees a parrot with a sign that says, “Talks like a lawyer.” The man buys the parrot and takes it home. He tries to get it to talk like a lawyer, but it just squawks and says nothing. Frustrated, the man takes the parrot back to the pet store and demands his money back. The owner says, “Did you try asking him a question?” The man says, “No, why?” The owner says, “Lawyers never answer a question directly.”
A group of hunters are out in the woods when they come across a bear. One of the hunters takes out his running shoes and starts putting them on. The other hunters say, “What are you doing? You can’t outrun a bear!” The hunter replies, “I don’t have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you!”
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. He notices a jar full of $20 bills on the counter and asks the bartender what it’s for. The bartender says, “We have a horse in the back that can do math. If you can stump him, you win the money.” The man thinks for a moment and says, “I’ll take that bet.” He goes to the back and asks the horse, “What’s 2+2?” The horse taps its hoof four times. The man asks, “What’s 3+3?” The horse taps its hoof six times. The man thinks he’s got it and asks, “What’s 4+4?” The horse just stares at him. The man says, “Ha! I stumped you!” The horse taps its hoof eight times, and the man walks out $20 poorer.
A man goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, I’m having trouble with my memory. I can’t remember anything!” The doctor says, “When did this start?” The man replies, “What start?”
A man walks into a bank and says, “I want to rob this bank!” The teller says, “Sir, this is a bank, not a restaurant.” The man replies, “I know that, give me all the money, or I’ll start cooking!”
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says, “Does this taste funny to you?”
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of $100 bills on the counter. He asks the bartender, “What’s that for?” The bartender says, “We have a bet going. If you can make my horse laugh, you win the money.” The man thinks for a moment and says, “I’ll take that bet.” He goes to the back and whispers something in the horse’s ear. The horse starts laughing uncontrollably, and the man collects his winnings. A few weeks later, the man comes back to the bar and sees another jar full of $100 bills on the counter. He asks the bartender, “What’s that for?” The bartender says, “We have a bet going. If you can make my horse cry, you win the money.” The man thinks for a moment and goes to the back. A few minutes later, he comes out, and the horse is crying uncontrollably. The bartender is amazed and asks, “What did you say to him?” The man replies, “I told him I had a bigger one than him.”
A man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, we don’t allow pets in here!” The man replies, “This isn’t a pet, he’s my business partner!” The bartender is curious and asks, “What kind of business do you have?” The man replies, “We’re in the circus!” The bartender asks, “What does he do?” The man says, “He’s a tightrope walker!” The bartender is skeptical and says, “I don’t believe you. Prove it.” The man puts the monkey on the bar and takes out a tightrope. The monkey starts walking the tightrope back and forth, doing flips and tricks. The bartender is amazed and says, “That’s incredible! You should take him to Las Vegas and make a fortune!” The man replies, “Why? Do you think he can sing?”

Hilarious Long Jokes

Hilarious Long Jokes:

A man walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Doc, you gotta help me. I think I’m invisible!” The doctor says, “I’m sorry, I can’t see you right now.”
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, “Free drinks for the person who can make the horse laugh.” The man goes outside and whispers something in the horse’s ear. The horse starts laughing so hard, it falls over. The man walks back into the bar and gets his free drinks. A few weeks later, the man walks back into the bar and sees a sign that says, “Free drinks for the person who can make the horse cry.” The man goes outside and whispers something in the horse’s ear. The horse starts crying uncontrollably. The bartender is amazed and asks, “What did you say to him?” The man replies, “I told him my penis was bigger than his.”
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot’s house. Knock knock. Who’s there? The chicken!
A man goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, you gotta help me. I think I’m a moth!” The doctor says, “You don’t need a doctor, you need a psychiatrist.” The man replies, “I know, but I was passing by, and I saw your light on.”
A woman walks into a bar and orders a double entendre. The bartender gives it to her.
Why do elephants never use computers? Because they’re afraid of the mouse!
A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, “Free beer if you can make our horse laugh.” The man goes outside and whispers something in the horse’s ear. The horse starts laughing uncontrollably. The man walks back into the bar and gets his free beer. A few weeks later, the man walks back into the bar and sees a sign that says, “Free beer if you can make the horse cry.” The man goes outside and whispers something in the horse’s ear. The horse starts crying uncontrollably. The bartender is amazed and asks, “What did you say to him?” The man replies, “I told him my penis was smaller than his.”
A man goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, you gotta help me. I think I’m a dog!” The doctor says, “That’s ridiculous, what makes you think that?” The man replies, “Well, every time someone rings the doorbell, I bark!” The doctor says, “Hmm, that is strange. Let me examine you.” After a thorough examination, the doctor says, “I think I have a solution. I’m going to give you a prescription for some dog food.” The man says, “Dog food? Will that help?” The doctor replies, “No, but it will make you stop licking yourself.”
A man walks into a bar with a monkey on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t allow pets in here.” The man replies, “But he’s not a pet, he’s a service animal!” The bartender is skeptical and asks, “What kind of service does he provide?” The man replies, “He’s a pickpocket. I trained him to steal from people.” The bartender is outraged and says, “Get out of here, you’re banned from this bar!” The man and the monkey leave, but a few minutes later, the monkey comes back in by himself. The bartender says, “Hey, I told you to get out of here!” The monkey replies, “Yeah, but we had a falling out. He’s been stealing from me.”

Tell Me A Joke – Long Jokes

Tell Me A Joke – Long Jokes:

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Two guys stole a calendar. They got six months each.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.

The best joke ever told ever

Best Long Jokes of All Time

Best Long Jokes of All Time:

Two guys stole a calendar. They got six months each.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.

Super Funny Long Jokes

Super Funny Long Jokes:

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, that’s pretty cool! Where’d you get him?” The parrot replies, “Africa.”
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The wedding wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.

Great Long Jokes

Great Long Jokes:

A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, that’s pretty cool! Where’d you get him?” The parrot replies, “Africa.” The bartender is amazed and says, “Wow, I’ve never seen a talking parrot before!” The parrot looks at him and says, “You haven’t been to Africa, have you?”
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love, and got married. The wedding wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
A man walks into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian replies, “You won’t bring it back, will you?”
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? Because it was two-tired.

Top 5 Best Long Jokes Ever

Top 5 Best Long Jokes Ever:

A group of friends went on a camping trip. They decided to split up and gather firewood for the night. As they were gathering wood, one of the friends heard a strange noise. He turned around and saw a large bear coming towards him. He immediately started to run, but the bear was too fast and caught up to him. The bear raised its paw to strike, but the man yelled, “Stop! I’m not the type of bear food you want to eat. I’m a talking bear!” The bear was surprised and said, “You’re a talking bear? Well, in that case, let’s have a chat.” So, the man and the bear sat down and had a conversation. After a while, the bear said, “You know, I don’t normally do this, but would you like to come to my cave and meet my family?” The man agreed and followed the bear to his cave. As they were walking, the man thought to himself, “This is amazing! I’m friends with a talking bear!” But then he remembered the other friends he was camping with and thought, “They’ll never believe me.” Just then, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind them. He turned around and saw one of his friends holding a rifle. The friend said, “I’m sorry, but I have to do this. You can’t just go around making friends with bears.” And with that, he shot the bear. The man was devastated and said, “Why did you do that? He was my friend!” The friend replied, “That wasn’t a bear, that was just a guy in a bear suit.”
A man walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, “Hey, you can’t bring a dog in here!” The man replies, “But this dog can talk!” The bartender is skeptical but decides to humor the man. “Okay,” he says, “let’s hear what the dog has to say.” The man asks the dog, “What’s on top of a house?” The dog replies, “Roof!” The bartender is unimpressed and says, “That’s not talking, that’s just barking.” The man tries again. “Okay, what’s sandpaper like?” The dog replies, “Ruff!” The bartender is even less impressed and says, “That’s still not talking.” The man tries one more time. “Okay, who’s the greatest baseball player of all time?” The dog replies, “Ruth!” The bartender has had enough and kicks them both out. As they’re walking away, the dog turns to the man and says, “Maybe I should have said DiMaggio?”
A man walks into a restaurant and orders a steak. The waiter brings it out, but it’s undercooked. The man says, “Excuse me, can you please cook it a little longer?” The waiter takes the steak back to the kitchen and brings it out again, but it’s still undercooked. The man says, “I’m sorry, but this is still not cooked enough.” The waiter takes it back to the kitchen again, but this time the chef comes out with the steak. He says, “Sir, I’m sorry we’re having trouble getting your steak right. Would you like to talk to the cow?” The man is confused but agrees. The chef takes him to the back of the restaurant where there is a cow. The chef points to the cow and says, “Tell the cow how you want your steak cooked.” The man is hesitant, but he decides to give it a try. He says, “I’d like my steak medium rare.” The cow looks at him and says, “Moo.”
A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have a problem. Every time I drink coffee, I get a sharp pain in my eye.” The doctor examines him and says, “I’ve never heard of this before. Can you show me what happens?” The man takes a sip of his coffee and immediately screams in pain. The doctor looks closely and sees a spoon sticking out of the man’s eye. The doctor says, “Well, there’s your problem. You’re supposed to take the spoon out of the cup before you drink your coffee!”
A farmer is out in his field one day when he sees a man walking towards him with a pig under his arm. The farmer is curious and asks the man what he’s doing with the pig. The man says, “I’m taking him to the county fair to enter him in the pig calling contest.” The farmer is even more curious and asks how the contest works. The man explains that he’ll walk onto the stage, close his eyes, and make a pig noise. Then the pigs in the contest will all run towards him, and the first one to reach him wins. The farmer is impressed and asks if he can try. The man agrees, and the farmer walks onto the stage, closes his eyes, and makes a pig noise. But instead of the pigs running towards him, a group of people run up and handcuff him. The man is confused and asks why they’re arresting him. They say, “You’re wanted for animal impersonation.”

Long Jokes to Make People Laugh

Here are some long jokes that are guaranteed to make people laugh:

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. As he’s drinking, he notices a jar full of money on the counter. Curious, he asks the bartender what the jar is for. The bartender explains that they have a challenge where if anyone can complete three difficult tasks, they get to keep the money in the jar. The man, feeling confident, asks what the tasks are. The bartender says, “First, you have to drink a gallon of tequila without stopping. Then, there’s a pitbull out back with a bad tooth that you have to pull. And finally, there’s a 90-year-old woman upstairs who’s never been satisfied in bed, and you have to change that.” The man thinks for a moment and then decides to give it a try. He downs the gallon of tequila, stumbles out back to the pitbull, and starts pulling on its tooth. The dog is yelping and the man is in pain, but he finally manages to pull the tooth out. He then staggers upstairs to the old woman’s room. He’s in there for about an hour, and the whole time the bartender can hear the woman screaming and moaning. Finally, the man comes back down, covered in sweat and looking exhausted. The bartender says, “Congratulations! You completed all three tasks! Here’s the money from the jar.” The man takes the money and says, “Thanks, but I have to ask: who the hell put that pitbull in there with the bad tooth?”
A woman walks into a pet store and sees a parrot for sale. The parrot is very unusual, in that it speaks in three languages: English, Spanish, and French. The woman is intrigued, and asks the owner how much the parrot costs. The owner says, “He’s very expensive, because of his unique ability. But I’ll tell you what: if you can make him say something in all three languages, I’ll give him to you for half price.” The woman agrees and takes the parrot home. She spends the next few hours trying to get him to speak in all three languages, but he refuses. Finally, in frustration, she puts the parrot in the refrigerator. After a few minutes, she takes him out and asks, “Can you say something in English?” The parrot replies, “Yes, I can. But I have one question: what did the chicken say?” The woman is puzzled, and the parrot continues, “What did the chicken say when it crossed the road in French?” The woman still doesn’t get it, and the parrot finally says, “What did the chicken say when it crossed the road in Spanish?” The woman finally gets it and starts laughing. The parrot says, “Well, it’s about time! Now can you let me out of this cold box?”
A man is walking through the woods when he comes across a bear. The bear starts chasing him, and the man runs as fast as he can, but the bear is gaining on him. Finally, the man trips and falls, and the bear is on top of him. The man thinks to himself, “This is it. I’m going to die.” Suddenly, he remembers a survival tip he read in a book: if you’re ever attacked by a bear, play dead. So he lies there, pretending to be dead. The bear sniffs him a few times, and then walks away. The man gets up, dusts himself off, and thinks to himself, “That was close.” Just then, the bear comes charging back at him. The man thinks, “What the hell? I thought playing dead was supposed to work!” But then he remembers another survival tip he read: if a bear comes back to attack you after you’ve played dead, fight back with everything you’ve got. So the man starts swinging at the bear, punching and kicking with all his might. After a few minutes, the bear finally gives up and runs away. The man is exhausted but relieved to be alive. As he’s walking back to civilization, he realizes that he’s never been in better shape. So he decides to take up boxing as a hobby. He trains every day for months, and eventually becomes the heavyweight champion of the world. During his post-fight interview, the interviewer asks him, “What inspired you to become a boxer?” The man replies, “Well, it all started when I got attacked by a bear in the woods…”
A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I’m having trouble with my memory. I can’t remember anything!” The doctor asks him a few questions, and then says, “I’m going to prescribe you some pills to help with your memory. Take one every day before bed.” The man thanks the doctor and takes the pills as directed. The next day, he wakes up feeling great. He remembers everything from the previous day, and even remembers things he thought he had forgotten years ago. He’s amazed at how well the pills are working. So he decides to take two pills the next night, just to see what happens. The next day, he wakes up feeling even better than before. He’s able to recall every detail of his life, from childhood all the way up to the present. He’s so excited that he takes three pills the next night. The next day, he wakes up feeling terrible. He can’t remember anything at all. He rushes back to the doctor and says, “Doctor, the pills aren’t working anymore! I can’t remember anything!” The doctor looks at him and says, “Well, that’s because you’re taking too many. You’re overdosing on memory.”
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. As he’s drinking, he notices a monkey sitting on the bar. The monkey starts doing tricks, juggling lemons and flipping coins. The man is amazed, and asks the bartender how much the monkey costs. The bartender says, “He’s not for sale, but I’ll tell you what: if you can make him laugh, I’ll give you a free drink.” The man thinks for a moment, and then whispers something in the monkey’s ear. The monkey bursts out laughing, rolling on the bar and slapping his knee. The bartender is impressed and gives the man a free drink. The next night, the man comes back to the bar and brings a friend with him. He points to the monkey and says, “Watch this. I’ll make him laugh again.” He whispers something in the monkey’s ear, but this time the monkey doesn’t laugh. The man tries again, and still the monkey doesn’t laugh. The man is getting frustrated, and finally he says, “Screw it, I give up. What did you say to him last night that made him laugh so hard?” The man replies, “I told him my salary.”
A man goes to a job interview and the interviewer asks him, “What’s your greatest weakness?” The man thinks for a moment and then says, “Well, I’m brutally honest.” The interviewer says, “I don’t think that’s a weakness.” The man replies, “I don’t give a crap what you think.”
A woman goes to a doctor and says, “Doctor, I have a terrible problem. Every time I sneeze, I have an orgasm.” The doctor is taken aback and asks her a few questions, and then says, “I’m going to refer you to a specialist. He’ll be able to help you.” So the woman goes to see the specialist, and he asks her a few questions as well. Finally, he says, “I think I have a solution. We’re going to give you a nasal spray that will deaden your sense of smell. That way, you won’t sneeze anymore.” The woman is hesitant, but she agrees to try it. A few weeks go by, and the woman comes back to the specialist. The specialist asks her, “So, how’s it going? Did the nasal spray work?” The woman says, “Well, yes and no. I’m not sneezing anymore, but now I’m having trouble with my romantic life.” The specialist is puzzled and asks her to explain. The woman replies, “Well, every time I have sex, I can’t smell anything.”
A man goes to a magic show and is amazed by the magician’s tricks. After the show, he approaches the magician and says, “That was incredible. How did you do those tricks?” The magician says, “Well, it’s all about misdirection. I make you look one way while I do something else.” The man is fascinated and asks the magician to teach him some tricks. The magician agrees and starts showing him some simple tricks. After a few days of practice, the man becomes pretty good. One day, he decides to try out his new skills on his wife. He says, “Watch this. I’m going to make you disappear.” His wife rolls her eyes and says, “Yeah, right.” But then the man starts doing some magic tricks, and suddenly his wife disappears. The man is ecstatic, and thinks he’s the greatest magician in the world. But then his wife reappears, and she’s not happy. She says, “What the hell did you do? You made me disappear for hours!” The man is confused and says, “Hours? I only made you disappear for a few seconds.” His wife replies, “No, you idiot. You made me disappear during the football game!”
A man is stranded on a desert island with nothing to eat. He’s been there for weeks and is starving. One day, he sees a small monkey in a tree, and decides to try and catch it. He manages to capture the monkey and starts cooking it over a fire. But just as he’s about to take a bite, a group of natives comes running out of the jungle and starts yelling at him. The man is scared and doesn’t know what to do. The natives start circling him, chanting and waving spears. Suddenly, the man has an idea. He holds up the cooked monkey and says, “Look, I’m just like you guys! I love monkey meat!” The natives stop and look at him, and then start laughing. They put down their spears and invite the man to their village for a feast. The man is relieved and grateful, and follows the natives back to their village. As he’s sitting down to eat, one of the natives says to him, “You know, you’re lucky we came along. Those monkeys are sacred to our tribe. If we hadn’t seen you cooking it, we would have killed you on the spot.” The man smiles and says, “Yeah, I figured that out pretty quick. That’s why I’m a vegetarian now.”
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The parrot is wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses. The man sits down and orders a drink. The bartender looks at the parrot and says, “What’s with the getup? Is he some kind of superhero?” The man laughs and says, “No, he’s just a talking parrot. But he’s pretty cool.” The bartender is intrigued and asks the parrot, “Can you say something?” The parrot replies, “Sure, what do you want me to say?” The bartender says, “How about something funny?” The parrot thinks for a moment and then says, “Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!” The bartender laughs and says, “That’s pretty good. Can he say anything else?” The man nods and says, “Sure, watch this.” He whispers something in the parrot’s ear, and the parrot starts singing “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston. The bartender is amazed and says, “That’s incredible! How did you teach him to do that?” The man shrugs and says, “I didn’t. He learned it on his own. He’s a smart parrot.” The bartender is impressed and asks the man if he wants another drink. The man nods and says, “Sure, but can you make it a double? My parrot’s a lightweight.”

Story Jokes

Story Jokes:

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for a book on how to commit the perfect murder. The librarian looks at him suspiciously and asks, “Are you planning to kill someone?” The man replies, “No, I already did.”
A blonde woman goes to the doctor and complains that she keeps hearing voices. The doctor asks her, “What do the voices say?” The woman replies, “They don’t say anything, they just hum.” The doctor thinks for a moment and says, “I think I know what the problem is. You have a hum in your head.”
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He notices that there are three men sitting at a table, each with a small piano in front of them. The man asks the bartender about the pianos, and the bartender explains that they are there to play requests. The man decides to give it a try and asks the first pianist to play “Sweet Caroline.” The pianist starts playing and the man starts singing along. Suddenly, the second pianist jumps up and starts playing a different song. Confused, the man asks the bartender what’s going on. The bartender explains, “Those guys are pianists, they can’t stand playing the same song twice.”
A man walks into a pet store and sees a parrot with a sign that says, “This parrot can speak 5 languages.” Impressed, the man asks the parrot, “Can you really speak 5 languages?” The parrot replies, “Yes, I can speak English, Spanish, French, German, and Italian.” The man then asks, “What’s your favorite language?” The parrot replies, “I don’t know, I’m bilingual.”
A man goes to a job interview and is asked, “What’s your biggest weakness?” The man replies, “I’m too honest.” The interviewer says, “I don’t think honesty is a weakness.” The man replies, “I don’t give a damn what you think.”
A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I think I’m a moth.” The doctor asks, “What makes you think that?” The man replies, “Well, every night I feel this irresistible urge to fly towards the light.” The doctor says, “I think you need to see a psychiatrist.” The man says, “Actually, I was on my way there, but I saw your light on.”
A farmer goes to a hardware store and asks for a chainsaw. The salesman says, “I have just the thing for you. This chainsaw can cut down 100 trees in one day.” Excited, the farmer buys the chainsaw and heads back to his farm. The next day, the farmer comes back to the store looking exhausted. The salesman asks, “What happened? Did the chainsaw not work?” The farmer replies, “Oh, the chainsaw worked great. I just didn’t realize I had to plug it in.”
Two guys steal a calendar. They got six months each.
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, that’s cool. Where did you get it?” The parrot replies, “I won him in a raffle.”
A man walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Dry?” The man replies, “No, just one.”

Long Comedy Jokes

Long Comedy Jokes:

A man walks into a doctor’s office with a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear, and a banana in his right ear. The doctor takes one look at him and says, “You’re not eating properly.”
A man goes to a restaurant and orders a steak. The waiter asks him how he’d like it cooked, and the man replies, “On a stove.” The waiter chuckles and says, “No, I mean how would you like it prepared?” The man thinks for a moment and says, “On a plate.”
A blonde woman walks into a bank and asks to borrow $5,000. The loan officer asks her what she’s going to use the money for, and she replies, “I’m going to Europe.” The loan officer says, “Well, that’s a lot of money. What kind of collateral do you have?” The blonde woman pulls out the keys to a brand new Ferrari and says, “This is my collateral.” The loan officer is stunned and says, “You own a Ferrari? Why do you need to borrow money?” The blonde woman replies, “I need to buy a plane ticket.”
A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, “Free drinks for the person who can pass our test.” The man asks the bartender what the test is. The bartender replies, “First, you have to drink this entire gallon of pepper tequila, the whole thing, all at once, and you can’t make a face while doing it. Second, there’s a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there’s a 90-year-old woman upstairs who’s never had sex. You have to make love to her until she can’t take it anymore.” The man thinks for a moment and says, “You know what? I think I’ll just have a beer.”
A man walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Doc, you gotta help me. I’m addicted to Twitter.” The doctor asks, “How long have you been on it?” The man replies, “Since I woke up this morning.”
Two men are playing golf when one of them hits his ball into a patch of rough. As he’s searching for his ball, he hears a voice say, “You’re going to find your ball three feet to your left.” The man looks around but doesn’t see anyone. He hears the voice again, “You’re going to find your ball four feet to your right.” The man starts to get freaked out and asks his friend, “Do you hear that voice?” His friend replies, “No, I don’t hear anything.” The man hears the voice again, “You’re going to find your ball two feet behind you.” Finally, the man looks up to the sky and says, “Who are you?” The voice replies, “I’m the guy who’s standing on your ball.”
A man goes to a job interview and the interviewer asks, “What’s your greatest weakness?” The man replies, “Honesty.” The interviewer says, “I don’t think honesty is a weakness.” The man replies, “I don’t give a damn what you think.”
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks him, “Does he talk?” The parrot replies, “Does he talk? He won’t shut up.”
A man goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doctor, I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First, I’m a teepee. Then, I’m a wigwam. Then, I’m a teepee again. Then, I’m a wigwam.” The psychiatrist looks at him and says, “Relax, you’re just two tents.”
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender asks him, “What’s the occasion?” The man replies, “I just got my first haircut in 20 years.” The bartender says, “Wow, that’s great. It must feel good.” The man replies, “Yeah, but I didn’t realize how much hair I had until I saw it all on the floor. It was like seeing a whole other person.” The bartender says, “I know what you mean. I used to have a full head of hair too.” The man looks at the bartender and says, “Really? What happened?” The bartender replies, “I started working here.”

Really Good Long Jokes

Here are some long jokes that might make you and your friends laugh:

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian, “Do you have any books on paranoia?” The librarian whispers, “They’re right behind you!”
A police officer pulls over a man for driving erratically. The officer asks the man, “Sir, have you been drinking?” The man replies, “No, officer, just a few beers.” The officer then asks, “Would you mind stepping out of the car and taking a breathalyzer test?” The man says, “I can’t do that, officer.” The officer asks, “Why not?” The man replies, “Because I have asthma and I don’t want to blow into anything.”
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One cannibal turns to the other and says, “Does this taste funny to you?”
A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, “Free drinks if you can make our horse laugh.” The man walks up to the horse and whispers something in its ear. The horse starts laughing uncontrollably, and the bartender gives the man a free drink. The next week, the man comes back to the bar and sees a sign that says, “Free drinks if you can make our horse cry.” The man walks up to the horse again, whispers something in its ear, and the horse starts crying. The bartender asks the man, “What did you say to the horse?” The man replies, “I told him my salary.”
A man is walking in the desert and comes across a genie’s lamp. He rubs the lamp and the genie appears. The genie says, “You have three wishes. But be careful what you wish for, because whatever you wish for, your ex-wife will get double.” The man thinks for a moment and says, “I wish for a million dollars.” The genie snaps his fingers and a million dollars appears in front of the man. The genie then says, “Your ex-wife now has two million dollars.” The man thinks for a moment and says, “I wish for a big mansion.” The genie snaps his fingers and a big mansion appears in front of the man. The genie then says, “Your ex-wife now has two big mansions.” The man thinks for a moment and says, “For my final wish, I’d like to be beaten half to death.”
A man goes to a doctor and says, “Doctor, I think I’m a moth.” The doctor asks, “Why did you come to me? You need a psychiatrist.” The man replies, “I was on my way to the psychiatrist, but I saw your light was on.”
A duck walks into a pharmacy and asks for some chapstick. The pharmacist says, “Sure, that’ll be $1.49.” The duck replies, “Put it on my bill.”
A man goes to a job interview and the interviewer asks, “What’s your biggest weakness?” The man replies, “Honesty.” The interviewer says, “I don’t think honesty is a weakness.” The man says, “I don’t give a damn what you think.”
A group of tourists are on a safari in Africa when they come across a tribe of cannibals. The tribe’s leader says to the tourists, “I’m sorry, but we have a tradition that we must eat the first person we see when we haven’t had a good hunt in a while. But we will give you a choice. You can either let us eat you, or we will make you run through the jungle for 10 miles, and then we’ll eat you.” The tourists are horrified, but they know they have no choice. One of the tourists, a lawyer, comes up with an idea. He says, “I have a proposition. How about we play a game? If we win, you let us go. If you win, you can eat us.” The tribe’s leader agrees, and the lawyer says, “The game is called ‘The Riddle Game.’ I’ll ask you a riddle, and if you can’t answer it, you let us go. If you answer it correctly, you can eat us.” The tribe’s leader agrees, and the lawyer asks the riddle: “What has four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening?” The tribe’s leader thinks for a while, but he can’t come up with an answer. The lawyer smiles and says, “The answer is a human. In the morning of their life, they crawl on all fours, in the afternoon of their life, they walk on two legs, and in the evening of their life, they use a cane or a walker, which is like a third leg.” The tribe’s leader is impressed and agrees to let the tourists go. The tourists leave the tribe’s village and continue on their safari. A few days later, they come across another tribe of cannibals. The second tribe’s leader says to the tourists, “I’m sorry, but we have a tradition that we must eat the first person we see when we haven’t had a good hunt in a while. But we will give you a choice. You can either let us eat you, or we will make you run through the jungle for 10 miles, and then we’ll eat you.” The tourists are horrified, but they remember the riddle game. The lawyer steps forward and says, “We have a proposition. We’ll play a game called ‘The Riddle Game.’ If we win, you let us go. If you win, you can eat us.” The second tribe’s leader agrees, and the lawyer asks the riddle: “What has four legs in the morning, two legs in the afternoon, and three legs in the evening?” The second tribe’s leader thinks for a while, and then he says, “I don’t know the answer, but I do know that it’s not a human. You already played that game with the tribe down the road.”

Old Long Jokes

Old Long Jokes:

An elderly man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I’m having trouble with my memory.” The doctor asks, “How long have you had this problem?” The man replies, “What problem?”
Two old friends were catching up after not seeing each other for years. One asked the other, “How’s your memory these days?” The other replied, “It’s good, but not as good as my forgettery.”
An elderly couple was sitting on their porch when a fairy appeared and granted them each a wish. The wife wished to travel the world. Poof! She had two tickets for a world cruise. The husband wished for a wife 30 years younger than him. Poof! He was 90.
An old man was asked how he managed to stay so healthy and active in his old age. He replied, “I drink two glasses of wine every day, and I exercise by walking to the fridge and back.”
Two elderly ladies were discussing their memory loss. One said, “I have trouble remembering names.” The other replied, “That’s not so bad. I have trouble remembering faces.”
An old man was driving on the highway when a police officer pulled him over. The officer asked to see his license and registration. The old man replied, “I don’t have a license. I’ve been driving for 70 years, and I’ve never needed one.” The officer asked, “Well, do you have registration?” The old man replied, “No, this is a stolen car.” The officer was shocked and asked, “What? Why are you telling me this?” The old man replied, “I thought you should know before you find out on your own.”
An elderly couple was sitting in a restaurant when the husband said, “I remember when we used to sit close together like this.” The wife replied, “I haven’t moved.”
An old man was asked what he wanted for his 90th birthday. He replied, “I want a 20-year-old girl on my lap.” His family was horrified and asked, “How about something more realistic?” The old man replied, “Okay, then I want a 90-year-old woman who doesn’t talk too much.”
An elderly man was walking down the street when he saw a young couple making out on a park bench. He walked up to them and said, “When I was your age, we did it in the bushes.” The young couple replied, “Thanks for the tip, but we’re trying to quit.”
An old man was sitting on a park bench when a young boy walked up to him and said, “Mister, do you have any advice for me?” The old man replied, “Yes, my boy. When you’re young, you should chase after all the girls. When you’re old, you should chase after all the memories.”

Long Jokes for Adults

Long Jokes for Adults:

A man walks into a doctor’s office and says, “Doc, you’ve got to help me. I’m having trouble sleeping at night.” The doctor asks, “What seems to be the problem?” The man replies, “Every time I close my eyes, I see a giant eye staring back at me.” The doctor thinks for a moment and then says, “Well, it sounds like you have a case of the mind’s eye.” The man asks, “Is there a cure?” The doctor replies, “Yes, but it’s going to cost you an arm and a leg.” The man says, “I don’t think I can afford that.” The doctor says, “Well, then you’ll just have to learn to live with it.”
A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, “Free drinks if you can make our horse laugh.” The man decides to give it a try and goes to the horse’s stall. A few minutes later, he comes out, and the horse is laughing uncontrollably. The bartender is amazed and asks, “How did you do it?” The man replies, “I just told him my salary.”
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. As he’s sitting there, he notices a sign that says, “Free drinks if you can make our parrot stop crying.” The man asks the bartender what’s wrong with the parrot, and the bartender replies, “He’s been sitting on a stool with a hole in it all day.” The man decides to give it a try and goes to the parrot’s cage. A few minutes later, he comes out, and the parrot is laughing uncontrollably. The man goes back to the bar and collects his winnings. The next night, the man returns and sees the sign is even bigger than before. It says, “Free drinks and $100 if you can make our alligator cry.” The man asks the bartender what’s wrong with the alligator, and the bartender replies, “He’s been sitting on a stool with a hole in it all day.” The man decides to give it a try and goes to the alligator’s cage. A few minutes later, he comes out, and the alligator is crying. The bartender is amazed and asks, “How did you do it?” The man replies, “I just showed him the bill.”
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. As he’s sitting there, he notices a sign that says, “Free drinks if you can make our bartender laugh.” The man decides to give it a try and tells the bartender a joke. The bartender just stares at him. The man tries another joke. Still nothing. Finally, the man says, “What’s wrong? Don’t you have a sense of humor?” The bartender replies, “I used to, but then I started working here.”
A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, “What can I get you?” The man replies, “I’ll have a beer, and my parrot wants a cracker.” The bartender says, “We don’t serve crackers here.” The man shrugs and orders his beer. A few minutes later, the parrot starts squawking, “I want a cracker! I want a cracker!” The bartender says, “Listen, I told you, we don’t serve crackers here.” The man says, “Okay, no problem.” The next day, the man walks into the bar with the parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, “What can I get you?” The man replies, “I’ll have a beer, and my parrot wants a cracker.” The bartender says “We don’t serve crackers here.” The man says, “Okay, no problem.” A few minutes later, the parrot starts squawking again, “I want a cracker! I want a cracker!” The bartender says, “Listen, I already told you, we don’t serve crackers here. If your parrot keeps this up, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” The man says, “Okay, I understand.” The next day, the man walks into the bar with the parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks, “What can I get you?” The man replies, “I’ll have a beer, and my parrot wants a glass of water.” The bartender is surprised and asks, “Water? You sure you don’t want a cracker?” The man replies, “No, he’s still upset about yesterday.”
A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, “Free drinks if you can make our jukebox play something different.” The man decides to give it a try and puts in a dollar. He selects a song and waits for it to play. To his surprise, the jukebox starts playing a completely different song. The man goes back to the bar and collects his winnings. The next night, the man returns and sees the sign is even bigger than before. It says, “Free drinks and $500 if you can make our jukebox play something different.” The man decides to give it another try and puts in a dollar. He selects a song and waits for it to play. Again, the jukebox starts playing a completely different song. The man goes back to the bar and collects his winnings. The bartender asks, “How did you do it?” The man replies, “I just changed the selection from ‘country’ to ‘rock’.”
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. As he’s sitting there, he notices a man at the other end of the bar who looks familiar. The man decides to go over and say hello. He approaches the man and says, “Excuse me, do I know you from somewhere?” The other man replies, “I don’t know. Do you drink a lot?”
A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. As he’s sitting there, he notices a beautiful woman sitting at the other end of the bar. He decides to go over and introduce himself. They start talking and hit it off. A few drinks later, the man decides to ask her out. To his surprise, she says yes. They start dating and eventually get married. Years later, the man asks his wife, “Do you remember the night we met at the bar?” The wife replies, “Of course, I remember. That’s the night you stole my purse.”
A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that says, “Free drinks if you can guess the weight of our horse.” The man decides to give it a try and goes to the horse’s stall. A few minutes later, he comes out and tells the bartender the weight. The bartender is amazed and says, “How did you do it?” The man replies, “I just lifted him up and read the weight off the scale on the bottom of his hooves.”

Long Jokes for Kids

Long Jokes for Kids:

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crumbly!
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide!
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Why did the pencil break up with the eraser? Because it felt like it was getting rubbed out!
Why did the cow go to outer space? To see the moooon!
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite!
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!

Long Dad Jokes

Long Dad Jokes:

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
I don’t trust people who do acupuncture. They’re back stabbers!
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels!
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? Don’t worry, he woke up!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite!
I used to have a job crushing cans. It was soda pressing!
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised!
Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they’d be a chicken sedan!
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!

Long Neck Jokes

Long Neck Jokes:

Why was the giraffe the last one to arrive at the party? Because it was neck and neck with the clock!
What do you call a giraffe with a short neck? A neck-nick!
How do you know if a giraffe is in your fridge? You can’t close the door!
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog? A six-foot toothbrush!
Why did the giraffe get a job at the necktie store? Because he was the best at tying!
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a bicycle? A neck-cycle!
Why did the giraffe go to the doctor? Because it had a sore throat!
How do you make a giraffe disappear? You hide its food!
What do you call a giraffe that can play the guitar? A neck-stro-mental-ist!
Why did the giraffe join the gym? To get its neck in shape!

Long Jokes with a Twist

Long Jokes with a Twist:

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing! (Twist: It’s not the expected reason!)
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite! (Twist: A funny and unexpected combination!)
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer! (Twist: It’s a pun that surprises with its simplicity!)
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels! (Twist: It’s a play on words that makes you think!)
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field! (Twist: A joke that plays on the double meaning of the phrase “outstanding in his field”.)
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated! (Twist: It’s a pun that relies on unexpected wordplay!)
What do you call a group of cows playing instruments? A moo-sical band! (Twist: A clever wordplay on “musical band”!)
Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems. (Twist: A joke that starts out like a simple statement but ends with a pun!)
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus! (Twist: A play on the double meaning of the word “virus”.)
Why did the balloon go near the needle? To get a little pop in its life! (Twist: A pun that relies on wordplay and a clever twist!)

Long Hair Jokes

Long Hair Jokes:

Why did the hairdresser get into a fight with the barber? Because he wanted a cut above the rest!
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear! (Twist: A play on the double meaning of “gummy”.)
Why did the scarecrow have a hat full of holes? Because he wanted to let his corn rows!
Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance they looked like hares!
Why did the hairstylist break up with her boyfriend? He was always parting with other girls!
Why did the hairdresser lose the race? Because he took too many shortcuts!
Why did the barber win the race? Because he knew how to use his clippers!
Why did the long-haired musician get hired for the job? Because he had the locks of talent!
Why did the hairdresser get arrested? Because he was a curl-practitioner!
Why did the ponytail break up with the braid? Because he thought she was too twisted!

Long Jokes with no Punchline

Long Jokes with no Punchline:

Two guys were sitting in a bar talking about their jobs. The first guy said, “I’m a bricklayer, and I lay bricks all day long.” The second guy said, “I’m a baker, and I bake bread all day long.” They continued talking for a while, and eventually, the first guy said, “You know what? I’m getting pretty tired of laying bricks.” The second guy replied, “Yeah, me too. I’m getting pretty tired of baking bread.” And that was it. There was no punchline.
A man walked into a bar and sat down. He ordered a drink and started chatting with the bartender. They talked for a while about sports, politics, and the weather. Eventually, the man finished his drink and said, “Well, it’s been nice talking to you, but I should get going.” The bartender replied, “Okay, have a good day.” And that was it. There was no punchline.
A woman was walking down the street when she saw a dog. The dog was wagging its tail and seemed very friendly. The woman stopped to pet the dog, and they played for a while. Eventually, the woman had to leave, so she said goodbye to the dog and walked away. And that was it. There was no punchline.
A group of friends were hanging out in a park. They talked about their lives, their families, and their jobs. They laughed and joked around for a while, and then they all went home. And that was it. There was no punchline.
A man was driving down a highway when he saw a beautiful sunset. He pulled over to the side of the road and got out of his car to take a picture. He admired the view for a while, and then he got back in his car and drove away. And that was it. There was no punchline.
A woman was walking her dog in the park when she saw a group of children playing. She watched them for a while and smiled at their innocence. Eventually, she had to go home, so she said goodbye to the children and walked away. And that was it. There was no punchline.
A man was reading a book in a coffee shop. He sipped his coffee and turned the pages, engrossed in the story. Eventually, he finished the book, paid his bill, and walked out of the coffee shop. And that was it. There was no punchline.
Two coworkers were having a conversation in the break room. They talked about their hobbies, their families, and their favorite TV shows. Eventually, they had to go back to work, so they said goodbye and went their separate ways. And that was it. There was no punchline.
A woman was sitting on a bench in a park, enjoying the sunshine. She watched the people around her and smiled at their happiness. Eventually, she had to leave, so she stood up, stretched, and walked away. And that was it. There was no punchline.
A man was walking his dog when he saw a butterfly. He stopped to admire the butterfly and watched as it flew away. Eventually, he continued his walk with his dog, enjoying the fresh air and the scenery. And that was it. There was no punchline.

Long Riddles and Jokes

Long Riddles and Jokes:

What has a heart that doesn’t beat? A artichoke.
What do you call a cow that plays an instrument? A moo-sician.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

Long Christmas Jokes

Long Christmas Jokes:

Why did Santa get a ticket on Christmas Eve? He parked in a snow parking zone!
Why did Santa Claus go to college? To learn how to “ho ho ho” in different languages!
Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber? It needed a trim!
What do you call a cat on the beach at Christmas time? Sandy Claws!
What’s the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the ordinary alphabet? The Christmas alphabet has no L!
Why did Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer cross the road? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
What does Santa say when he’s taking a break from delivering presents? “I sleighed it!”
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite!
How do you know if Santa Claus is really a werewolf? He has Santa claws!
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman!

Long-Winded Jokes

Long-Winded Jokes:

Two atoms were walking down the street, and one suddenly stops and says, “Oh no, I think I lost an electron!” The other atom asks, “Are you positive?”
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Two guys stole a calendar. They got six months each.
Why do elephants never use computers? They’re afraid of mice!
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down.
I used to play piano by ear. Now I use my hands.
Did you hear about the restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu – you get what you deserve.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.

Long Corny Jokes

Long Corny Jokes:

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!
Did you hear about the kidnapping at the playground? They woke up.
I’m reading a book on the history of glue. I just can’t seem to put it down.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on all the time? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
I used to have a job crushing cans. It was soda pressing.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
What do you call fake spaghetti? An impasta.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Long Birthday Jokes

Long Birthday Jokes:

A man asked his wife what she wanted for her birthday. She replied, “I want a divorce.” The man was shocked and asked why. She replied, “I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, and I’ve finally decided that I want something that will last longer than your presents.”
It was my friend’s birthday, and I wanted to give him a really special gift. So I got him a fridge with a built-in stereo system. The minute he opened it, he looked at me and said, “Wow, this is cool! But why did you get me a fridge?” I replied, “Because every time you open it, it’ll remind you of how cool you are.”
A woman walked into a bakery and said, “I’d like a birthday cake with ‘Happy Birthday’ written on it.” The baker replied, “Sure, how old is the birthday boy or girl?” The woman said, “He’s turning 45.” The baker asked, “Would you like us to put the candles on the cake for you?” The woman replied, “No, I’ll light them on fire myself later.”
I remember when I was a kid, I asked my dad for a bike for my birthday. He said, “Son, we’ll talk about it when pigs fly.” The next day, I woke up to see a big pig flying past my window. I ran to my dad and said, “Look, Dad, a pig’s flying!” My dad replied, “I told you we’ll talk about it when pigs fly. Now go back to bed.”
It was my friend’s birthday, and he asked me to get him something unique. So I got him a dictionary and wrote his name on every page. He looked at it and said, “Wow, this is great! But what’s the use?” I replied, “So you can finally find yourself.”
A man asked his wife what she wanted for her birthday. She replied, “I want a trip around the world.” So he bought her a round trip ticket to the moon. She said, “This isn’t what I meant.” He replied, “Well, it’s not like you specified which world you wanted to go to.”
A man walked into a store and asked for a birthday present for his wife. The salesman asked, “What does she like?” The man replied, “She likes fine wine, expensive jewelry, and fast cars.” The salesman replied, “Sounds like you’re trying to buy her love.” The man replied, “No, I’m trying to rent it for the weekend.”
It was my birthday, and my wife surprised me with a brand new Porsche. I was so excited, I ran outside to see it, and to my surprise, it was a toy Porsche. I asked her why she got me a toy car, and she replied, “Because you’re never going to get a real one.”
A man was asked how he celebrated his 100th birthday. He replied, “I woke up this morning, and I felt just like a newborn baby.” The interviewer asked, “Really? What do you mean?” The man replied, “I woke up naked and with no teeth.”
I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday, and she said, “Surprise me.” So I showed up at her office wearing a clown costume and juggling three flaming torches. She looked at me and said, “Wow, you really surprised me. But can you go home and put on something more appropriate?”

Long Marriage Jokes

Long Marriage Jokes:

A man asked his wife what she wanted for their anniversary. She replied, “A divorce.” The man was shocked and asked why. She replied, “I’ve been thinking about it for a long time, and I’ve finally decided that I want something that will last longer than our marriage.”
A couple was celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, and their children asked them what the secret to a long and happy marriage was. The husband replied, “It’s simple. We always make sure to apologize when we’re wrong and forgive when we’re right.”
A husband and wife were celebrating their 25th wedding anniversary, and the husband asked his wife, “What’s the most important thing you’ve learned in our marriage?” She replied, “Never trust a man who promises to do the dishes.”
A couple was having an argument, and the wife said, “Why do you always have to be right?” The husband replied, “Because I’m the man of the house.” The wife shot back, “That’s funny, because I’m the woman who makes the house a home.”
A man asked his wife if she would marry him again if they could go back in time. She replied, “Of course, but only if we could do it right this time and skip the part where you forgot our anniversary.”
A wife was angry with her husband and said, “You never tell me you love me anymore.” The husband replied, “I told you when we got married. If anything changes, I’ll let you know.”
A couple was celebrating their 10th wedding anniversary, and the husband surprised his wife with a trip to Paris. She was thrilled and asked, “How did you know I’ve always wanted to go to Paris?” He replied, “I saw it in your diary.” She was confused and said, “I don’t have a diary.” The husband replied, “Oh, sorry. I meant your Facebook.”
A wife asked her husband, “Do you love me more than your car?” He replied, “Of course, I love you more than anything.” She then asked, “Do you love me more than your dog?” He hesitated and replied, “Let’s not get crazy.”
A husband asked his wife what she wanted for their anniversary. She replied, “Surprise me.” So he showed up at their doorstep wearing a giant panda suit. She looked at him and said, “Wow, you really surprised me. But can you go home and put on something more appropriate?”
A husband and wife were having an argument, and the wife said, “You never listen to me.” The husband replied, “Yes, I do. I’m just multitasking.” The wife asked, “What are you doing?” The husband replied, “I’m listening to you, watching TV, and checking my phone all at the same time.

Long Knock-Knock Jokes

Long Knock-Knock Jokes:

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry, it’s only a joke.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Tank. Tank who? You’re welcome!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Alpaca. Alpaca who? Alpaca the suitcase, you load up the car!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry, it’s just a knock-knock joke.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Lettuce. Lettuce who? Lettuce in, it’s cold out here!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Dishes. Dishes who? Dishes the police, open up!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Avenue. Avenue who? Avenue heard this one before?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and answer the door!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Orange. Orange who? Orange you going to answer the door?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Hatch. Hatch who? Bless you!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Why are you crying? It’s just a joke.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Cash. Cash who? No thanks, I’ll have peanuts.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? I didn’t know you could yodel!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Candice. Candice who? Candice door open or what?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Amanda. Amanda who? Amanda hug, please.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Ice cream. Ice cream who? Ice cream every time I see a ghost.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Boo. Boo who? Don’t cry, it’s just me!
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Noah. Noah who? Noah good place to eat around here?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Who. Who who? Is there an owl in here?
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Armageddon. Armageddon who? Armageddon out of here if you don’t like bad jokes!

FAQs – Long Jokes

What are the funniest long jokes?

Funniest Long Jokes:

The mathematician and the farmer: A mathematician goes to a farm to observe the behavior of cows. After watching for a while, the farmer asks the mathematician what he’s doing. The mathematician replies, “I’m trying to find the average cow.” The farmer looks at him incredulously and says, “You can’t do that! You can’t just average cows! They’re all different!” The mathematician replies, “Ah, but I can create a model to account for all their differences.” The farmer asks him to explain, and the mathematician says, “Well, let’s say you have a black cow and a white cow. If you take the average of those two cows, what do you get?” The farmer replies, “A gray cow.” The mathematician nods and says, “Exactly! And if you have a brown cow and a white cow, you get a tan cow. And if you have a brown cow and a black cow, you get a brindle cow. See? It’s all in the model.”
The genie and the three men: Three men find a genie who grants them each one wish. The first man wishes for a million dollars, and the genie grants his wish. The second man wishes for a beautiful wife, and the genie grants his wish. The third man thinks for a moment and says, “I’m kind of lonely here by myself. I wish my two friends were back with me.”
The man and the genie: A man is walking along the beach when he comes across a bottle. He picks it up and rubs it, and out pops a genie. The genie says, “Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. I will grant you one wish.” The man thinks for a moment and says, “I’ve always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I’m afraid of flying. Can you build me a bridge from here to Hawaii?” The genie replies, “That’s impossible! Think of the logistics! The engineering! The resources! Come on, think of something else.” The man thinks for a moment and says, “Okay, I’ve got it. I want to understand women.” The genie looks at him and says, “How many lanes do you want on that bridge?”
The lawyer and the farmer: A farmer walks into a lawyer’s office and says, “I need to file a lawsuit against my neighbor.” The lawyer asks, “What’s the problem?” The farmer replies, “He built a fence on my property.” The lawyer thinks for a moment and says, “I see. And how big is the fence?” The farmer holds his hands out and says, “About this high.” The lawyer looks at him and says, “That’s it? That’s not worth going to court over. Just build a fence on your own property that’s twice as high and you won’t have to look at his.” The farmer thanks the lawyer and leaves. A few weeks later, the farmer comes back to the lawyer and says, “I need to file another lawsuit.” The lawyer asks, “What now?” The farmer replies, “My neighbor built a fence twice as high as mine.”
The stranded man and the genie: A man is stranded on a deserted island when he finds a bottle with a genie inside. The genie says, “I’ll grant you three wishes.” The man says, “First, I want to be rescued.” The genie snaps his fingers and the man disappears.
The blind man and the duck: A blind man walks into a store with his seeing-eye dog. He picks up the dog and starts swinging it around his head. The manager rushes over and asks, “Sir, can I help The blind man responds, “No thanks, I’m just looking around.”
The three-legged pig: A farmer has a three-legged pig and enters him into a local county fair. The pig wins first prize and the farmer is ecstatic. A reporter comes over to interview him and asks, “How did you get a three-legged pig?” The farmer replies, “Well, that pig saved my life. One night, our house caught on fire and that pig woke us all up by banging on our bedroom door with his one good leg.” The reporter is amazed and asks, “That’s incredible! But how did he lose two legs?” The farmer replies, “Well, a pig that special, you don’t just eat him all at once.”
The golfer and the genie: A golfer finds a genie who offers him three wishes. The golfer thinks for a moment and says, “I want to be the best golfer in the world.” The genie snaps his fingers and the golfer suddenly has the perfect swing and an encyclopedic knowledge of golf. The golfer tees up and hits a shot that goes straight into the hole. The genie nods and says, “You’ve got two more wishes.” The golfer thinks for a moment and says, “I want to be the richest golfer in the world.” The genie snaps his fingers and the golfer suddenly has a billion dollars. The genie asks, “What’s your third wish?” The golfer replies, “I want a never-ending supply of golf balls.” The genie looks at him incredulously and says, “You know you could have asked for a private jet, right?”
The patient and the doctor: A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doc, every time I drink coffee, I get a sharp pain in my eye.” The doctor thinks for a moment and says, “I think I know what’s wrong. You need to take the spoon out of your coffee mug before you drink.”
The pirate and the parrot: A pirate captain has a parrot that always squawks out the location of their hidden treasure. The captain warns the parrot that if it ever does it again, he’ll throw it overboard. The next day, the parrot squawks out the location of the treasure again. The captain picks it up and throws it overboard. A few weeks later, the captain and his crew are stranded on a desert island when they see the parrot flying towards them. The parrot lands on the captain’s shoulder and says, “I learned my lesson. Just out of curiosity, what did the chicken do?”

What are some long-form jokes?

Here are 10+ long-form jokes for you:

The ship’s captain was trying to teach a new sailor how to steer the ship. “See that lighthouse over there?” he asked. “Keep the ship pointed straight at it.” The new sailor looked at the captain and asked, “What happens if the lighthouse moves?”
A man walked into a bar and ordered a drink. The bartender asked him if he wanted anything to eat. The man said, “What do you have?” The bartender replied, “We have peanuts, pretzels, and a guy who tells jokes for a dollar.” The man said, “I’ll take the peanuts.” The bartender looked at him and said, “You’re sure? The guy who tells jokes is really funny.” The man replied, “I don’t care. I don’t want to hear his jokes.” The bartender shrugged and went to get the man his peanuts. As he walked away, the man called out, “Hey, wait a minute. I’ll take the guy who tells jokes.” The bartender smiled and said, “I thought you might.”
Two guys were walking in the woods when they came across a bear. One of the guys started running, and the other guy said, “Why are you running? You can’t outrun a bear!” The first guy said, “I don’t have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun you!”
A man walked into a doctor’s office and said, “Doctor, I think I’m a moth.” The doctor said, “You think you’re a moth? Why did you come to me?” The man replied, “Well, I was passing by and I saw your light on.”
A blonde woman went to a restaurant and ordered a hamburger. The waiter asked her, “How would you like your hamburger cooked?” The blonde replied, “Oh, just burn it. I’m on a diet.”
A man went to a job interview and the interviewer asked him, “What’s your biggest weakness?” The man replied, “Honesty.” The interviewer said, “I don’t think honesty is a weakness.” The man replied, “I don’t give a damn what you think.”
A farmer walked into a bar and ordered a drink. The bartender asked him how his day was going. The farmer replied, “Well, I had to shoot my dog this morning.” The bartender said, “That’s terrible. Why did you have to shoot your dog?” The farmer replied, “Because he was chasing my chickens.” The bartender said, “Couldn’t you have just tied him up?” The farmer replied, “I tried that, but he ate the rope.”
A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walked into a bar. The bartender looked at them and said, “What is this, some kind of joke?”
A man walked into a bar and ordered a beer. The bartender asked him, “What’s the occasion?” The man replied, “I just got out of prison.” The bartender asked him what he was in for. The man replied, “Bank robbery.” The bartender asked him if he was planning to rob another bank. The man replied, “No, I’m retired now. I’m living off my savings.”
A man went to a psychiatrist and said, “Doctor, I think I’m a dog.” The psychiatrist said, “How long have you felt this way?” The man replied, “Ever since I was a puppy.”
A group of tourists were on a sightseeing tour of a city. They were riding in a bus and the tour guide was telling them about the history of the city. Suddenly, the bus stopped in the middle of the road. The tour guide got out of the bus and walked to the front. He opened the hood and looked inside. He then turned to the passengers and said, “I’m sorry, folks. We’re going to have to wait for another bus. This one’s just lost its memory.”
Two cannibals were eating a clown. One cannibal turned to the other and said, “Does this taste funny to you?”
A man walked into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asked him, “Why do you have a parrot on your shoulder?” The man replied, “He’s a talking parrot. Watch this.” He turned to the parrot and said, “What’s the square root of 64?” The parrot replied, “Eight.” The bartender was impressed and asked the man how he had taught the parrot to do that. The man replied, “Oh, it’s easy. He’s a smart parrot. I just taught him everything I know.”
A man went to a restaurant and ordered a steak. When the waiter brought it to him, the man said, “This steak is too tough.” The waiter replied, “Well, sir, you have to give it time to relax.” The man said, “Relax? This steak is tougher than my ex-wife!”
A man went to a fortune teller and asked her, “Will I be rich and famous?” The fortune teller replied, “No, but you’ll be poor and well-known.”
A man walked into a bar and ordered a drink. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny piano. He placed the piano on the bar and said, “Watch this.” He then reached into his other pocket and pulled out a tiny man. The man sat down at the piano and started playing a beautiful tune. The bartender was amazed and asked the man where he had gotten the piano and the tiny man. The man replied, “I have a genie in my pocket. He’ll grant me any wish I want.” The bartender asked if he could try it, and the man agreed. The bartender reached into the man’s pocket and pulled out the genie. The genie said, “You get three wishes.” The bartender replied, “I wish for a million bucks.” The genie snapped his fingers, and suddenly the bar was filled with a million ducks. The bartender turned to the man and said, “What kind of genie is this?” The man replied, “You think I wished for a 12-inch pianist?”

What are the best jokes ever?

Best Jokes Ever:

Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Two guys stole a calendar. They got six months each.
What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead.
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
I told my wife she was overreacting. She said, “I’m not overreacting, you’re just under-listening.”
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
What do you call a pile of cats? A meowtain.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.

237+ Long Jokes [Best Long-Form Jokes]

Funny Long Jokes