237+ Marine Jokes [All Categories]

Marine jokes are a type of humor that often involves military or naval themes, specifically focusing on the experiences and stereotypes associated with the Marine Corps.

Here are some common characteristics of Marine jokes:

• They often involve themes of toughness and strength, reflecting the Marine Corps’ reputation as a physically demanding and rigorous branch of the military.
• They often use sarcasm and wit to poke fun at Marines themselves, as well as their superiors, their equipment, and the sometimes absurd situations they find themselves in.
• They often include jargon and acronyms specific to the Marine Corps, which can add an additional layer of humor for those who are familiar with the language.
• They often contain themes of camaraderie and loyalty, reflecting the close bonds that Marines often develop with one another during their training and service.

Overall, Marine jokes can be a way for Marines and civilians alike to bond over shared experiences and a love of humor, while also acknowledging the challenges and sacrifices that come with military service.

We have hundreds of Marine jokes in this article.

Let’s take a look 🙂

Marine Jokes

Marine Jokes:

1. Why did the Marine bring a ladder to the party? He wanted to raise the bar!
2. Why do Marines always get lost? They’re always looking for a place to dig a foxhole!
3. Why did the Marine get in trouble at work? He was caught taking a shell-fie!
4. Why don’t Marines ever go to college? They’ve already been to boot camp!
5. Why did the Marine fail his math test? He couldn’t understand the concept of “division of labor”!
6. How many Marines does it take to change a light bulb? None, they prefer to operate in the dark.
7. Why do Marines wear their covers indoors? To make sure they don’t forget where their heads are at!
8. What’s a Marine’s favorite type of music? Heavy artillery!
9. Why do Marines never get lost in the woods? Because they’re always following the compass to their hearts!
10. Why did the Marine join the Marines? He wanted to be a part of the few, the proud, the Marines!
11. Why do Marines always go to the bathroom in pairs? Because they’re always covering each other’s backs!
12. What do you call a Marine who can’t swim? A soldier.
13. Why do Marines love to go camping? It’s the only time they can dig a hole without getting yelled at!
14. Why did the Marine bring a grenade to the job interview? To show he’s a real team player!
15. Why do Marines hate coffee? It keeps them up for morning PT!
16. Why did the Marine refuse to wear sunscreen at the beach? He’s already got a natural camo tan!
17. What do you call a Marine who’s a terrible cook? A grunt chef!
18. Why did the Marine cross the road? To get to the other side of the battlefield!
19. Why did the Marine throw his watch out the window? He wanted to see time fly!
20. Why do Marines always have a tough time with crossword puzzles? They’re used to being told what to do, not finding things on their own!

Funny Marine Jokes

Funny Marine Jokes:

1. Why did the Marine go to art school? To learn how to paint targets!
2. Why do Marines always make great wingmen? They’re used to covering each other’s six!
3. Why did the Marine refuse to eat the MRE? He’s already tough enough!
4. Why do Marines love watching the Olympics? They always root for the sharpshooters!
5. Why did the Marine refuse to use the GPS? He’d rather use his own “hooah-navigating” skills!
6. Why did the Marine get a tattoo of a compass on his arm? To always know which way his next mission is!
7. Why do Marines love Halloween? They get to dress up in camo and call it a costume!
8. Why did the Marine refuse to use the microwave? He’s already used to eating cold chow!
9. Why did the Marine refuse to use the elevator? He’d rather take the stairs, just like in boot camp!
10. Why did the Marine start his own business? He wanted to be a general entrepreneur!
11. Why do Marines love going to the gun range? They always aim to please!
12. Why did the Marine refuse to use the air conditioning? He’s already used to the heat of the battlefield!
13. Why do Marines hate going to the dentist? They’re used to toughing out the pain!
14. Why did the Marine refuse to use the washing machine? He’d rather wash his clothes in a river like in the field!
15. Why do Marines hate going to the movies? They’re used to watching live action!
16. Why did the Marine refuse to use the iron? He’s already used to wearing his uniform with wrinkles!
17. Why do Marines love playing chess? They always aim for the king!
18. Why did the Marine refuse to use the escalator? He’d rather take the stairs, just like in O-course!
19. Why do Marines hate using the phone? They prefer to communicate face-to-face!
20. Why did the Marine refuse to use a map? He’d rather follow his instincts like a true warrior!

Marine Corps Jokes

Marine Corps Jokes:

1. Why did the Marine go to the bank? To make a withdrawal, Hoo-rah!
2. What’s a Marine’s favorite type of tree? A Semper Fir tree!
3. Why did the Marine refuse to wear a mask? He’s already got a natural camo face!
4. Why do Marines hate playing hide-and-seek? They’re always ready to be found!
5. Why did the Marine refuse to use a calculator? He’d rather do the math in his head like a true warrior!
6. Why do Marines love barbecues? They always aim to grill!
7. Why did the Marine refuse to use a GPS? He’d rather use the stars to navigate like a true warrior!
8. Why do Marines love Halloween? They can wear their uniforms and call it a costume!
9. Why do Marines hate going to the gym? They’re already tough enough!
10. Why did the Marine refuse to use a watch? He’d rather tell time by the sun like a true warrior!
11. What do you call a Marine who’s a master of disguise? A camo-chameleon!
12. Why do Marines always win in debates? They’re always ready to argue their points!
13. Why did the Marine refuse to use a map? He’d rather use his instincts like a true warrior!
14. What’s a Marine’s favorite type of vegetable? A Semper Broccoli!
15. Why do Marines hate playing video games? They’re used to playing the real thing!
16. Why did the Marine refuse to use a calculator? He’d rather do the math on his fingers like a true warrior!
17. Why do Marines love fishing? They always aim to catch the big one!
18. Why did the Marine refuse to use a flashlight? He’d rather see in the dark like a true warrior!
19. Why do Marines hate using elevators? They prefer to take the stairs like true warriors!
20. Why did the Marine refuse to use a GPS? He’d rather use his inner compass like a true warrior!

Marines. Army. Navy

Marine Jokes – One-Liners

Marine Jokes – One-Liners:

1. Why did the Marine get a tattoo of a target on his forehead? He wanted to be a moving target!
2. Why did the Marine refuse to use a washing machine? He’s already used to washing his clothes in the field!
3. Why did the Marine refuse to use a spoon? He’s already used to eating with his hands!
4. Why do Marines love camping? They get to dig holes and call it a foxhole!
5. Why did the Marine refuse to use a pencil? He’d rather write with a rifle!
6. Why did the Marine refuse to use a map? He’s already got a built-in GPS in his head!
7. Why do Marines love playing chess? They always aim for the king!
8. Why did the Marine refuse to use a calculator? He’d rather do math in his head!
9. Why did the Marine cross the road? To get to the other side of the battlefield!
10. Why did the Marine refuse to wear a watch? He’d rather tell time by the sun!
11. Why do Marines hate using the phone? They prefer face-to-face communication!
12. Why did the Marine refuse to use the escalator? He’d rather take the stairs like in O-course!
13. Why do Marines always have a tough time with crossword puzzles? They’re used to being told what to do, not finding things on their own!
14. Why did the Marine refuse to use a GPS? He’d rather use the stars to navigate!
15. Why do Marines love barbecues? They always aim to grill!
16. Why did the Marine refuse to use the elevator? He’d rather take the stairs like in boot camp!
17. Why did the Marine refuse to use the air conditioning? He’s already used to the heat of the battlefield!
18. Why do Marines hate going to the dentist? They’re used to toughing out the pain!
19. Why did the Marine throw his watch out the window? He wanted to see time fly!
20. Why did the Marine refuse to use a map? He’d rather use his instincts like a true warrior!

Marine Dad Jokes

Marine Dad Jokes:

1. What did the Marine say when he found out he was having twins? Semper Fi and Di!
2. Why did the Marine become an astronaut? He wanted to explore the Corps of the moon.
3. How do Marines stay cool during the summer? They use their camo-netting as a hammock and catch some shade.
4. Why did the Marine switch to decaf? He couldn’t handle the intensity of regular coffee anymore.
5. Why did the Marine go on a diet? He wanted to improve his marine biology.
6. What do you call a Marine with a cold? A sickle jock.
7. Why did the Marine join the circus? He wanted to be a semper-flyin’.
8. What did the Marine say when he saw the tough mudder course? This looks like a typical day at Parris Island.
9. How do Marines order their steaks? Rare, medium-rare, and semper-well-done.
10. Why don’t Marines like playing cards on deployment? Because they can’t handle a deck of cards without a field manual.
11. Why don’t Marines tell jokes in combat? They leave that to the Air Force.
12. How do Marines make popcorn? They throw a grenade in a bucket of kernels and wait for the kernels to pop.
13. Why did the Marine fail his spelling test? He spelled “Oorah” with two Rs.
14. What do you call a Marine who just graduated boot camp? A private with attitude.
15. Why do Marines always carry a watch on their left wrist? So they can check their rank and time simultaneously.
16. Why did the Marine get kicked out of the park? He kept shouting “Tango Down” at the squirrels.
17. Why did the Marine cross the road? To get to the chow hall.
18. How do Marines show affection? They give their loved ones a semper-hug.
19. Why don’t Marines ever trust a fart? They know it’s always a trap.
20. How do Marines handle rejection? They say “Roger that” and move on.

Marine vs. Army Jokes

Marine vs. Army Jokes:

1. Why did the Marine join the Marine Corps instead of the Army? He didn’t want to be a second lieutenant.
2. Why do Marines make fun of the Army’s PT test? Because they know they could pass it in their sleep.
3. Why did the Army recruit a Marine? To teach their soldiers how to aim.
4. What do you call an Army soldier with a 300 PT score? A unicorn.
5. Why did the Army soldier refuse to join the Marines? He heard the Marines run everywhere and he didn’t want to mess up his boots.
6. Why did the Marine get a promotion before the Army soldier? Because he finished his deployment in 7 months.
7. What do you call an Army soldier who can’t swim? An amphibious target.
8. Why did the Army soldier join the Army? He couldn’t pass the Marine Corps ASVAB.
9. What’s the difference between the Army and the Marine Corps? The Army has a basketball team, the Marines have a rifle team.
10. Why do Marines say “Goodnight Chesty Puller, wherever you are”? Because they know he’s in Valhalla and the Army doesn’t have anyone like him.
11. What’s the difference between an Army platoon and a Marine squad? The Marine squad has more firepower.
12. Why did the Marine make fun of the Army’s dress uniform? Because they look like they’re about to play the halftime show.
13. Why did the Army soldier cross the road? To get to the Marine Corps recruiting office.
14. Why did the Marine call the Army soldier a POG? Because he was a Personnel Other than Grunt.
15. What’s the difference between Army and Marine chow? The Marine chow hall serves MREs with a side of pride.
16. Why did the Army soldier fail the Marine Corps Combat Fitness Test? Because he couldn’t do the ammo can lifts.
17. Why did the Marine make fun of the Army’s rations? Because they come in a bag and not a box with a picture of a bulldog on it.
18. What’s the difference between the Army and the Marines? The Army has a full-time band, the Marines have a full-time mission.
19. Why did the Army soldier switch to the Marine Corps? He wanted to challenge himself.
20. Why did the Marine make fun of the Army’s rank insignia? Because they look like they were designed by a kindergartener.

Dirty Marines Jokes

Dirty Marines Jokes:

1. Why do Marines make the best lovers? Because they know how to handle their weapon.
2. Why do Marines prefer doggy style? Because they can see the enemy coming.
3. What’s the difference between a Marine and a dildo? A Marine can kill with his bare hands.
4. Why did the Marine get kicked out of the strip club? He kept yelling “Tango Down” every time a dancer took her clothes off.
5. Why do Marines always have a hard time in the bathroom? Because they’ve been trained to keep their head down.
6. Why do Marines always wear a condom? They don’t want to leave any Marines behind.
7. What’s the difference between a Marine and a porn star? A Marine knows how to shoot a gun and aim for the target.
8. Why do Marines make the best lovers? Because they’re trained to go in hard and fast.
9. Why did the Marine get a tattoo of a bulldog on his penis? So he could say he has a real Marine dog.
10. Why do Marines always talk about “the suck”? Because they know what it’s like to be in a tight spot.
11. What’s the difference between a Marine and a prostitute? A Marine doesn’t have to pay for their service.
12. Why do Marines love a good tug-of-war? Because they know how to pull their weight.
13. Why did the Marine get kicked out of the brothel? He kept shouting “Oorah” during sex.
14. What’s the difference between a Marine and a vibrator? A Marine can keep going all night long.
15. Why do Marines always make sure to keep their boots on during sex? Because they know they might have to evacuate at any moment.
16. Why do Marines have such high morale? Because they know they can always rely on their fellow Marines to have their back.
17. What’s the difference between a Marine and a gigolo? A Marine knows how to give satisfaction without asking for anything in return.
18. Why did the Marine go to the doctor after sex? He got a case of the “blue falcon”.
19. What’s the difference between a Marine and a pornstar? A Marine knows how to handle a weapon and aim for the target.
20. Why do Marines always wear their uniforms in bed? Because they know how to dress for success.

Marine Jokes About the Navy

FAQs – Marine Jokes

What are some good US Marines jokes?

1. Why don’t Marines use umbrellas? Because they’re trained to adapt to any weather conditions.
2. Why did the Marine break up with his girlfriend? Because he couldn’t handle the long distance relationship.
3. What do you call a Marine who’s always lost? Private GPS.
4. What’s the difference between a Marine and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.
5. Why did the Marine cross the road? To kick the other side’s butt.
6. How many Marines does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they’ll just shoot out the bulb and wait for the room to be dark.
7. Why did the Marine join the military? To learn how to fold a fitted sheet.
8. What do you call a Marine who can’t swim? Dead weight.
9. How do you get a Marine to stop talking about their time in the service? You don’t.
10. Why did the Marine go to art school? To learn how to draw the enemy.
11. What do you call a Marine with an IQ of 160? A platoon.
12. Why did the Marine fail math? Because he couldn’t do any operations without his gun.
13. What do Marines and cats have in common? They both have to be fed, they both scratch when they’re angry, and they both love to nap.
14. What’s a Marine’s favorite type of music? Heavy metal.
15. Why don’t Marines get lost in the desert? Because they’re always following the leader.
16. Why don’t Marines wear cowboy hats? Because they can’t find helmets to fit over them.
17. What’s a Marine’s favorite kind of fruit? Grenades.
18. Why do Marines wear camouflage? So they can hide from Chuck Norris.
19. Why do Marines always say “Oorah”? Because they’re too busy to say “Hooah” like the Army.
20. What do you call a Marine who’s always late? Corporal Punishment.
21. How do you know a Marine’s at the bar? Don’t worry, they’ll tell you.
22. Why don’t Marines like to drive on ice? Because they don’t want to give the enemy any traction.
23. Why did the Marine go to college? To learn how to use a calculator.
24. Why do Marines like to go to the movies? Because they like to watch the war from a safe distance.
25. Why did the Marine cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
26. What’s a Marine’s favorite type of coffee? G.I. Joe.
27. Why did the Marine get a tattoo of a chicken on his shoulder? To remind him of his first combat mission.
28. Why don’t Marines like to play chess? Because they don’t like to lose.
29. What do you call a Marine who’s lost his rifle? Sir.
30. Why did the Marine go to the tailor? To get his cammies hemmed.
31. How do you know if a Marine’s been using your computer? The keyboard will have mud on it.
32. Why do Marines hate playing hide and seek? Because no one ever finds them.
33. What’s a Marine’s favorite book? The dictionary, so they can look up the word “honor”.
34. Why did the Marine join the circus? To learn how to juggle grenades.
35. Why did the Marine go to the gym? To get a high score on the pull-up bar.
36. Why don’t Marines like to eat MREs? Because they prefer their food to be edible.

What are some good Army vs. Marines jokes?

1. Why did the Army soldier switch to decaf? Because he couldn’t handle the Java.
2. Why did the Marine join the choir? He wanted to learn how to A-camp.
3. Why did the Army general order his troops to march across the playground? He wanted to see them pass the monkey bars.
4. Why did the Marine get lost in the desert? He was trying to find his bearings but kept camouflaging himself.
5. Why did the Army recruit quit before boot camp? He heard there were no refills on the chow hall drinks.
6. Why did the Marine stop at the beach during his morning run? He was looking for a shore-cut.

Related

• Military Names
• Dad Jokes