407+ Weekend Jokes & Puns [Saturday & Sunday Jokes]

Weekend jokes and puns typically revolve around the theme of relaxation, fun activities, and the freedom that comes with not having to work.

Some common characteristics of weekend jokes and puns include:

Humor about the difference between weekdays and weekends: Jokes about the contrast between the structure and routine of the workweek versus the freedom and relaxation of the weekend are common.
References to popular weekend activities: Many weekend jokes and puns refer to popular activities such as going to the beach, camping, hiking, or attending a music festival.
Humor about leisure time: Jokes and puns about spending time watching TV, napping, or simply lounging around are also common.
Wordplay and puns: Many weekend jokes use wordplay or puns to create a humorous effect. For example, “Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!”.
Cultural references: Some weekend jokes and puns reference pop culture, such as movies, TV shows, or celebrities.

Overall, weekend jokes and puns are designed to bring a light-hearted and humorous perspective to the leisure time that comes with the end of the workweek.

Table of Contents

Weekend Jokes

Weekend Jokes:

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
Why did the skeleton go to the party on Saturday night? Because he had no body to go with him.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on all weekend? Nothing, it just let out a little whine.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crummy.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
What did the grape say when it got crushed? Nothing, it just let out a little whine.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on all weekend? Nothing, it just let out a little whine.
Why did the teacher jump into the pool? To test the water.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Why did the tomato turn green? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why was the computer cold? Because it left its Windows open.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a bulldozer? Frostbite.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on all weekend? Nothing, it just let out a little whine.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
What do you call a snake that works for the government? A civil serpent.
Why did the skeleton go to the party on Saturday night? Because he had no body to go with him.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
Why did the tomato turn green? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a lawnmower? Frostbite.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

25 Best Weekend Update Jokes of All Time

Weekend Jokes for Work

Weekend Jokes for Work:

Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
Why did the belt go to jail? For holding up pants.
Why do elephants never use computers? They’re afraid of mice.
Why did the tomato turn green? Because it saw the salad dressing bottle.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
Why did the orange go out with a prune? Because it couldn’t get a date.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
Why don’t ghosts like rain? It dampens their spirits.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? It felt crummy.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a bulldog? Frostbite.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
Why do bicycles fall over? Because they’re two-tired.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a cowboy? Frostbite.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
What did one toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? So-fish-ticated.
Why don’t oysters give to charity? They’re shellfish.
What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
What do you call a bear with no ears? B.

Weekend Puns

Weekend Puns:

Why did the scarecrow work on the weekends? Because he wanted to be outstanding in his field.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo on the weekend? A pouch potato.
What do you call a happy cowboy on the weekend? Yee-haw-liday.
Why did the tomato turn red on the weekend? Because it saw the salad dressing.
What do you call a weekend where you can’t leave the house? A quarantine-tine.
Why did the math book look sad on the weekend? Because it had too many problems.
Why do birds fly south for the weekend? To get to the warmer weather.
What did the grape say on the weekend? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Why did the bicycle fall asleep on the weekend? Because it was two-tired.
What do you call a weekend without a Sunday? A weekday.
Why did the egg refuse to work on the weekend? It wanted to have a break-yolk.
What do you call a weekend that is very easy to catch? A fisherman’s rest.
Why did the lion sleep all weekend? Because he was exhausted from lion around all week.
Why do potatoes make good weekend plans? Because they are a-peeling.
What did the left eye say to the right eye on the weekend? “Just between us, something smells.”
Why don’t ghosts like to go out on weekends? Because they don’t like to have a hauntover.
What did the lamp say to the other lamp on the weekend? “I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow.”
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants on the weekend? In case they get a hole in one.
What do you call a weekend when all your plans fall through? A flopportunity.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor on the weekend? Because it was feeling crumbly.
What did the ocean say to the shore on the weekend? “Long time, no sea.”
Why did the grapefruit refuse to work on the weekend? Because it was already a-peeling.
What do you call a weekend where you don’t have to do anything? A lazy-daisy.
Why don’t pirates take baths on the weekends? Because they prefer to wash up on shore.
What did the cat say to the mouse on the weekend? “I’m feline pretty lazy today.”
Why did the bird go to the bank on the weekend? To deposit some tweets.
What do you call a weekend when you’re snowed in? A flurry of activity.
Why did the bear refuse to work on the weekend? Because he needed to bear down and rest.
What did the rug say to the floor on the weekend? “I’ve got you covered.”
Why do ghosts like to party on the weekends? Because they have no body to hold them back.
What do you call a weekend that feels too short? A weakend.
Why did the crab refuse to work on the weekend? Because he wanted to shell-ebrate.
What did the bee say to the flower on the weekend? “Let’s pollen our resources.”
Why don’t witches take vacation on the weekends? Because they need to save up their sickle time.
What do you call a weekend with perfect weather? A temperature weekend.
Why did the broccoli refuse to work on the weekend? It needed to get its green on.

Saturday Jokes

Saturday Jokes:

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Why did the orange go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts.
What do you call a group of cows playing instruments? A moo-sical band.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Why did the frog call his insurance company? He had a jump in his car.
Why was the belt arrested? For holding up the pants.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investi-gator.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
Why was the musician arrested? For fingering a minor.
Why do bees hum? Because they don’t know the words.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
Why did the lion break up with his girlfriend? She was a cheetah.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
Why don’t ants get sick? They have tiny ant-bodies.
Why don’t fish play basketball? They’re afraid of the net.
Why was the calendar popular? It had a lot of dates.
What do you call a camel with three humps? Pregnant.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
What did one wall say to the other wall? I’ll meet you at the corner.
Why was the broom late? It swept in.
Why was the belt sent to jail? For holding up the pants.
Why did the frog call his insurance company? He had a jump in his car.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

Sunday Jokes

Sunday Jokes:

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crumbly.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
Why was the broom late? It swept in.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it got mugged.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
What do you call a horse that can’t run? A hay-baler.
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet? Because they lactose.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
Why did the coffee file a police report? Because it got mugged.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open.
What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer.
What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie? Sofishticated.
Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

Weekend Dad Jokes

Weekend Dad Jokes:

Why don’t scientists trust atoms on the weekends? Because they make up everything.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have tiny ant-bodies.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? “Supplies!”
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumbly.
How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they’d crack each other up.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.
Why did the chicken go to the seance? To talk to the other side.
What do you call an alligator that wears a vest? An investi-gator.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.
Why don’t eggs tell jokes? Because they’d crack each other up.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
Why did the math book look so sad? Because it had too many problems.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why did the picture go to jail? Because it was framed.
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
What do you call a belt made of watches? A waist of time.

Weekend Jokes for Kids

Weekend Jokes for Kids:

Why do bicycles fall over? Because they’re two-tired.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crummy.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert? Because it was already stuffed.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
What kind of tree fits in your hand? A palm tree.
Why did the computer go to the doctor? Because it had a virus.
Why did the frog call his insurance company? He had a jump in his car.
What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? Arrr!
What do you call a cow that’s just had a baby? De-calf-inated.
Why did the boy bring a ladder to school? Because he wanted to go to high school.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
What kind of music do planets listen to? Neptunes.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do you call a snowman in the summer? A puddle.
Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
What do you call a monkey in a suit? A businessman.
Why did the chicken join a band? Because it had drumsticks.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
What do you call a bear with no ears? B.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crummy.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why don’t oysters share their pearls? Because they’re shellfish.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
What do you call a dinosaur with a long necktie? A Tyran-nosaurus Rex.
What do you get when you cross a snake and a pie? A pie-thon.
Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
What do you call a pig that knows karate? Porkchop.
Why do bicycles fall over? Because they’re two-tired.
What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.
What do you call a cow that plays an instrument? A moosician.
What do you call a pencil that can draw? A magic pencil.
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybee.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one.
What do you call a snobbish criminal going down stairs? A condescending con descending.
Why do trees hate math? Because they get stumped on every problem.

Weekend Jokes for Adults

Weekend Jokes for Adults:

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
What do you call a lazy kangaroo? A pouch potato.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.
What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead.
Why do golfers always carry two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have tiny ant-bodies.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a well-dressed man on a tricycle? Cyclesthetics.
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work? A can’t opener.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crummy.
What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a well-dressed man on a scooter? Mopeding attire.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
What did one hat say to the other? You stay here, I’ll go on ahead.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in the water? Bob.
Why do golfers always carry two pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? A stick.
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have tiny ant-bodies.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

Weekend Jokes – One-Liners

Weekend Jokes – One-Liners:

My weekend plans are always just a series of naps interrupted by snacks.
The only thing better than a weekend is a three-day weekend.
I love weekends because it’s the only time I get to wear my pajamas all day.
I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving my energy for the weekend.
Weekends are a bit like rainbows; they look good from a distance but disappear when you get up close to them.
I don’t always enjoy the weekends, but when I do, I do nothing.
Weekends don’t count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.
Weekends are like a superhero movie, they start off strong but they always end with a whimper.
I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman, but have you ever seen me and Wonder Woman in the same room on a weekend?
I hope everyone has a weekend as amazing as they pretend it is on Instagram.
Weekends are like a fine wine, they only get better with age.
I don’t always have plans for the weekend, but when I do, they usually involve Netflix and a lot of snacks.
The best part of the weekend is when it’s finally over.
On weekends, I prefer my coffee to be bottomless and my to-do list to be nonexistent.
I’m not lazy, I’m just in weekend mode.
Weekends are like chocolate, they’re the best part of the week.
The weekends are a time to recharge your batteries and take a break from the stress of the workweek.
Weekends are a great time to catch up on all the sleep you missed during the week.
On the weekends, I like to live vicariously through people who actually have plans.
The only thing better than a weekend is a long weekend.
Weekends are like a reset button for the soul.
I like my weekends like I like my coffee, long and lazy.
Weekends are like an oasis in the middle of a desert of work.
I don’t always have plans for the weekend, but when I do, they usually involve staying in bed.
Weekends are like a reward for surviving the workweek.
I love the weekends because they give me a chance to catch up on all the TV shows I missed during the week.
Weekends are like a mini vacation from reality.
I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room on a weekend?
Weekends are like a time machine, they make the week feel like it was a million years ago.
I love the weekends because I can finally wear my sweatpants in public without judgment.
Weekends are like a breath of fresh air after being trapped in the office all week.
I don’t always have plans for the weekend, but when I do, they usually involve food.
Weekends are like a second chance to have fun after a boring workweek.
I’m not lazy, I’m just practicing for retirement on the weekends.
Weekends are like a warm blanket on a cold winter’s day.
I love the weekends because I can finally let my hair down and be myself.
Weekends are like a chance to hit the reset button and start fresh.
I don’t always have plans for the weekend, but when I do, they usually involve napping.

FAQs – Weekend Jokes

What are some jokes about the weekend?

Jokes about the weekend:

Why did the math book look sad on the weekend? Because it had too many problems.
Why do weekends never last long enough? Because they’re only two puny days.
Why is the weekend so short? Because the calendar keeps cutting it off.
Why did the scarecrow win an award on the weekend? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why did the banana go to the doctor on the weekend? Because it wasn’t peeling well.
Why did the skeleton go to the party on the weekend? Because he had no body to go with.
Why did the coffee file a police report on the weekend? It got mugged.
Why did the broom go to the dance on the weekend? To sweep somebody off their feet.
Why did the teacher give the class a pop quiz on the weekend? Because she wanted to test their weekend knowledge.
Why did the tomato turn red on the weekend? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why did the bicycle fall over on the weekend? It was two-tired.
Why did the chicken cross the playground on the weekend? To get to the other slide.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor on the weekend? It was feeling crumbly.
Why did the math book look so happy on the weekend? Because it finally got a break from all the problems.
Why did the music teacher go out on the weekend? To conduct himself.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants on the weekend? In case he got a hole in one.
Why did the chef work on the weekend? Because he kneaded the dough.
Why did the man take a ladder to the weekend party? Because the drinks were on the house.
Why did the thief break into the calendar factory on the weekend? To steal a few weekends.
Why did the computer go to sleep on the weekend? Because it needed its rest.

What are some dad jokes about the weekend?

Dad jokes about the weekend:

What did the weekend say to the week? “I see you again in a couple of days, but I’m always a week-end ahead!”
Why did the scarecrow work on the weekend? He wanted to make hay while the sun shined.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants on the weekend? In case he got a hole in one.
Why did the tomato turn red on the weekend? Because it saw the salad dressing.
Why did the broom go to the dance on the weekend? To sweep somebody off their feet.
Why did the man take a ladder to the weekend party? Because the drinks were on the house.
Why did the skeleton go to the party on the weekend? Because he had no body to go with.
Why did the coffee file a police report on the weekend? It got mugged.
Why did the math book look so happy on the weekend? Because it finally got a break from all the problems.
Why did the chicken cross the playground on the weekend? To get to the other slide.
Why don’t weekends ever work out? Because they don’t have to!
Why did the computer go to sleep on the weekend? Because it needed its rest.
Why was the calendar popular on the weekend? It always had a lot of dates.
Why did the cookie go to the doctor on the weekend? It was feeling crumbly.
Why did the bicycle fall over on the weekend? It was two-tired.
Why did the chef work on the weekend? Because he kneaded the dough.
Why did the teacher give the class a pop quiz on the weekend? Because she wanted to test their weekend knowledge.
Why don’t scientists trust atoms on the weekend? Because they make up everything!
Why did the man run around his bed on the weekend? He was trying to make ends meet!
Why did the lion break up with his girlfriend on the weekend? She was a cheetah!
Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants on the weekend? In case they get a hole in one!
Why did the cat sleep all weekend? Because it was feline tired!
Why did the chicken go to the seance on the weekend? To talk to Colonel Sanders!
Why did the magician work on the weekend? He needed to get his tricks together!
Why did the man put his money in the freezer on the weekend? He wanted to have cold hard cash!
Why did the tomato blush on the weekend? It saw the salad dressing!
Why did the cow go on vacation on the weekend? To mooove away from the daily grind!
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend on the weekend? He needed some space!
Why did the hippie go to the bank on the weekend? To get some jive cash!
Why did the football coach go to the bank on the weekend? To get his quarterback!

What are Weekend Update jokes on SNL?

Weekend Update is a satirical news segment on the comedy sketch show “Saturday Night Live” (SNL).

Here are some examples of Weekend Update jokes from recent years:

The CDC is now recommending that Americans wear masks indoors in high-transmission areas, or as the CDC calls it, ‘Florida‘.
“In a recent interview, Bill Gates said that he regrets the time he spent meeting with Jeffrey Epstein. Though in his defense, when Epstein said he wanted to help Gates with his software, Gates thought he meant a computer.”
“A new study found that 85% of Americans can’t name a Supreme Court justice. And the other 15% can only name Ruth Bader Ginsburg.”
“Some Democrats are calling for Governor Cuomo to resign over sexual harassment allegations. Republicans are calling for him to resign over something much worse: being a Democrat in New York.”
“A man in China was fined for walking his dog on a highway. In his defense, the dog really had to pee and the only other option was the Zoom meeting he was in.”
“President Biden signed a $1.9 trillion relief bill this week. Which means we’re one step closer to getting the vaccine and two steps closer to pretending we don’t remember how to hug.”
“The Grammy Awards were held last weekend. The biggest surprise of the night was when they announced that the show was still relevant.”
“In an interview this week, former President Trump said that he’s seriously considering running for president again in 2024. In response, 98% of Americans said they’re seriously considering moving to Canada in 2024.”
“A man in California was arrested for impersonating a police officer while driving a fake police car. The man said he was just trying to get out of a speeding ticket, and by ‘get out of’ he meant ‘give himself one’.”
“Scientists have discovered a new species of dinosaur that had wings like a bat. When asked what it was called, they said, ‘Pterodactyl? More like Batmanasaur’.”

407+ Weekend Jokes & Puns [Saturday & Sunday Jokes]