547+ Marriage Jokes & Puns [Husband, Wife Jokes]

Marriage jokes and puns typically center around the humorous aspects of the relationship between husbands and wives.

Here are some common characteristics of these types of jokes:

  • Gender stereotypes: Many marriage jokes rely on traditional gender stereotypes, with husbands portrayed as bumbling and clueless while wives are portrayed as nagging and controlling.
  • Exaggeration: Marriage jokes often exaggerate the quirks and idiosyncrasies of married life to create humor. For example, jokes about snoring husbands or messy wives rely on exaggerating these behaviors to the point of absurdity.
  • Wordplay: Puns and wordplay are common in marriage jokes, with many puns revolving around the word “wife” or “husband.” These jokes often rely on double meanings or play on words to create humor.
  • Observational humor: Many marriage jokes are based on observations about the everyday interactions between husbands and wives. These jokes often play off of common experiences that many married couples can relate to, such as arguments about household chores or differences in communication styles.
  • Irony: Irony is often used in marriage jokes to highlight the absurdity of certain situations. For example, a joke about a husband who forgets his anniversary despite having it written down in his planner would be an example of ironic humor.

Overall, marriage jokes and puns can be a fun way to poke fun at the quirks and idiosyncrasies of married life, but it’s important to remember that not all couples fit these stereotypes and that every relationship is unique.

Marriage Jokes

Marriage Jokes:

  1. Why did the husband bring his wife a spoon when she asked for a fork? Because he didn’t want to fork up.
  2. Why did the wife call her husband “old faithful”? Because he was always erupting with anger.
  3. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. But by the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
  4. My wife said she wanted to go on a tropical vacation. So I took her to the kitchen and turned up the heat.
  5. Why do husbands always take the remote control to bed with them? Because they want to be in charge of the TV dreams.
  6. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  7. Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.
  8. Why did the husband cross the road? To get away from his wife’s nagging.
  9. A wife told her husband to put the newspaper down and help with the dishes. He replied, “What’s the point? They’ll just be dirty again tomorrow.”
  10. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
  11. Marriage is like a game of chess. The queen should always protect her king.
  12. Why did the husband bring a ladder to bed? Because he wanted to climb the corporate ladder in his dreams.
  13. My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. So I got drunk.
  14. I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me. She said, “Yes, usually when I’m vacuuming.”
  15. What’s the difference between a husband and a dog? The dog is eventually trained.
  16. My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house. I told her it was for protection against the dishes.
  17. I don’t always listen to my wife. But when I do, I still don’t hear her.
  18. Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
  19. Why did the wife tell her husband to put on his sweater? Because she was feeling a draft.
  20. My wife told me to go to the store and buy something that will make her look sexy. So I came back drunk.
  21. I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
  22. Why did the husband get mad when his wife asked him to take out the trash? Because he was already married to it.
  23. My wife said she wanted to spice up our sex life. So I got us matching robes.
  24. What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his brain? A husband.
  25. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
  26. Marriage is like a bath. Once you get used to it, it’s not so hot.
  27. Why did the wife call her husband a cheapskate? Because he took her out to eat at the gas station.
  28. My wife told me to stop singing “I’m a Believer” by The Monkees. I thought she was joking. Then I saw her face.
  29. Why did the husband bring a case of beer to bed? Because he wanted to sleep with a case.
  30. Marriage is like a deck of cards. You start with a heart and a diamond, but by the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.
  31. Why did the wife call her husband a baby? Because he always cried when they ran out of beer.

Marriage Puns

Marriage Puns:

  1. Marriage is a ring that binds two hearts together.
  2. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  3. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
  4. Marriage is a workshop where husband and wife work together to create a masterpiece.
  5. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
  6. I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, and she said, “Yes, about two times a year – when I’m on vacation.”
  7. A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes into it.
  8. Why did the married couple go to the gym? Because they wanted to work on their relationship.
  9. Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is a tangled mess of laundry, dishes, and toys.
  10. Why did the man propose to his girlfriend with a diamond ring? Because she was his rock.
  11. Marriage is like a marathon, except it’s a race to see who can put up with each other the longest.
  12. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
  13. Marriage is like a partnership. One person is always right, and the other person is always the husband.
  14. Why did the man wear a tuxedo on his wedding day? Because he wanted to dress for success.
  15. Marriage is like a workshop where you get to use power tools and play with fire.
  16. Why did the man marry his smartphone? Because he couldn’t find a better connection.
  17. Marriage is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get, but you hope it’s sweet.
  18. Marriage is like a card game. You start with a full deck, but after a few rounds, you’re just looking for a queen.
  19. Why did the man marry a baker? Because she had all the ingredients for a happy life.
  20. Marriage is like a rose garden. It’s beautiful, but it also has a lot of thorns.

17 Minutes Of Comedians Talking About Marriage

Wife Jokes

Wife Jokes:

  1. Why did the wife go to the hair salon? To get a new look for her husband to ignore.
  2. I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.
  3. Why did the wife put her husband’s underwear in the freezer? To give him the cold shoulder.
  4. My wife asked me to take out the garbage. I told her I already did. She said, “Then why is it still here?” I replied, “Because you keep bringing it back in.”
  5. Why did the wife put her husband’s toothbrush in the toilet? To brush off his bad breath.
  6. My wife said she wanted to be treated like a queen for her birthday. So I gave her a crown and ignored her for the rest of the day.
  7. Why did the wife buy her husband a treadmill for his birthday? Because she wanted him to be a running joke.
  8. My wife asked me if she was the only one I’ve been with. I said yes, all the others were nines and tens.
  9. Why did the wife tell her husband he was driving her crazy? Because she wanted him to take her to the mall.
  10. My wife asked me if I wanted to renew our wedding vows. I said, “Why? We haven’t used up the first ones yet.”
  11. Why did the wife hide her husband’s car keys? To drive him crazy.
  12. My wife said she wanted a romantic evening. So I turned off my phone, lit candles, and made her a dinner of her favorite food. She came home, saw the empty pizza box, and said, “Wow, you really went all out.”
  13. Why did the wife tell her husband to sleep on the couch? Because he was snoring louder than the TV.
  14. My wife told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy. So I came back with a case of wine.
  15. Why did the wife buy her husband a car with no brakes? To teach him how to stop on a dime.
  16. My wife said she wanted to be swept off her feet. So I bought her a broom.
  17. Why did the wife put a lock on her phone? To prevent her husband from changing the Netflix password.
  18. My wife asked me if I would still love her if she was bald. I said, “Of course. I married you for your sense of humor, not your hair.”
  19. Why did the wife tell her husband to get lost? Because she wanted him to take her on a romantic road trip.
  20. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So I put my foot down.

Husband Jokes

Husband Jokes:

  1. Why did the husband bring a ladder to bed? To reach new heights with his wife.
  2. My husband thinks he’s a superhero. He’s always wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
  3. Why did the husband put a bell on his wife’s neck? So he could hear her when she’s not yelling at him.
  4. My husband told me he wanted to be more romantic, so I told him to get a job at Hallmark.
  5. Why did the husband buy his wife a toilet brush for her birthday? Because she said she wanted something practical.
  6. My husband asked me if I wanted to go on a date. I said, “Sure, where do you want to go?” He said, “To the bedroom.”
  7. Why did the husband take his wife to a fancy restaurant? To impress her with his ability to read a wine list.
  8. My husband told me he wanted to take me somewhere I’ve never been before. So I suggested the kitchen.
  9. Why did the husband buy his wife a dog? To have someone to listen to his jokes.
  10. My husband told me he wanted to spice things up in the bedroom. So I bought him a salt shaker.
  11. Why did the husband tell his wife he was going to the gym? So he could spend time with his mistress, the elliptical machine.
  12. My husband said he wanted to start a garden. I said, “What kind of vegetables do you want to grow?” He said, “Beer cans.”
  13. Why did the husband buy his wife a vacuum for her birthday? Because he wanted to suck up all her love.
  14. My husband said he wanted to get in touch with his feminine side. So I bought him a pink shirt.
  15. Why did the husband put a mirror in his wife’s car? So he could see what he looks like driving.
  16. My husband asked me if I wanted to play a game. I said, “Sure, what game?” He said, “Hide and seek. I’ll hide, and you seek a new husband.”
  17. Why did the husband buy his wife a trampoline? To bounce back from their problems.
  18. My husband said he wanted to take me to a place where time stands still. So I suggested the DMV.
  19. Why did the husband bring a compass to bed? To help him find his way around his wife’s curves.
  20. Why did the husband tell his wife he was going to the grocery store? So he could have a few minutes of peace and quiet.

Wedding Jokes

Wedding Jokes:

  1. Why did the bride wear white? To blend in with the tablecloths.
  2. My wife and I decided to get married in a park. It was a beautiful ceremony, but we had to compete with the ducks for the spotlight.
  3. Why did the wedding cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling tiered.
  4. My friend got married in a castle. It was a fairytale wedding, except for the part where the groom turned into a frog.
  5. Why did the bride cross the road? To get to the other groom.
  6. My cousin got married on a boat. It was a romantic ceremony, except for the part where the bride’s veil got caught in the propeller.
  7. Why did the wedding planner go broke? Because he didn’t charge enough to cover the bridezilla’s demands.
  8. My sister got married in a greenhouse. It was a beautiful wedding, except for the part where the groom’s allergies kicked in.
  9. Why did the groom go to the doctor before the wedding? To get a shot of commitment.
  10. My friend’s wedding was outdoors, and it started to rain. Everyone was worried about the bride’s dress, but the groom was the one who was soaking wet.
  11. Why did the bride ask the flower girl to be in the wedding? Because she needed someone to hold her bouquet while she grabbed a drink.
  12. My friend’s wedding was so expensive, they had to sell their car to pay for the honeymoon. They ended up having to hitchhike to the airport.
  13. Why did the bride wear a veil? To hide from the groom if he got cold feet.
  14. My brother’s wedding was held on a farm. It was a beautiful ceremony, except for the part where the cows started mooing during the vows.
  15. Why did the bride refuse to wear a tiara? Because she didn’t want to crown the groom king.
  16. My friend’s wedding was on the beach. It was a beautiful ceremony, except for the part where the seagulls started attacking the guests.
  17. Why did the bride ask the groom to carry her across the threshold? Because she didn’t want to get her heels stuck in the carpet.
  18. My friend’s wedding was so extravagant, they had a red carpet instead of an aisle. The bride wore stilettos and the groom wore sneakers.
  19. Why did the groom’s mother cry at the wedding? Because she realized she was losing her son and her personal chauffeur.
  20. My friend’s wedding was held in a museum. It was a beautiful ceremony, except for the part where the groom kept trying to touch the exhibits.

Funny Marriage Jokes

Funny Marriage Jokes:

  1. Why did the married couple go to the gym? Because they wanted to work on their relationship.
  2. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
  3. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
  4. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
  5. Why did the man propose to his girlfriend with a diamond ring? Because she was his rock.
  6. Marriage is like a marathon, except it’s a race to see who can put up with each other the longest.
  7. Why did the man marry his smartphone? Because he couldn’t find a better connection.
  8. Marriage is like a partnership. One person is always right, and the other person is always the husband.
  9. Marriage is like a workshop where you get to use power tools and play with fire.
  10. Why did the man marry a baker? Because she had all the ingredients for a happy life.
  11. Marriage is like a rose garden. It’s beautiful, but it also has a lot of thorns.
  12. Why did the couple elope? Because the bride didn’t want to wait for the groom to finish playing video games.
  13. Marriage is like a bank account. You put in what you can and take out what you need.
  14. Why did the man marry his wife’s identical twin? Because he couldn’t tell them apart.
  15. Marriage is like a game of chess. You have to think before you move, or you might lose your queen.
  16. Why did the man marry his wife in a library? Because he wanted a quiet life.
  17. Marriage is like a roller coaster. Sometimes it’s scary, sometimes it’s thrilling, but you always end up back where you started.
  18. Why did the man marry a tailor? Because she could mend his broken heart.
  19. Marriage is like a GPS. You never know where it’s going to take you, but you hope it’s a happy ending.
  20. Why did the man marry his wife in a swimming pool? Because he wanted to dive into married life.

Marriage Jokes for Adults

Marriage Jokes for Adults:

  1. My wife and I tried role-playing in the bedroom. I pretended to be a doctor, and she pretended to be sick of my excuses.
  2. Why did the wife put her husband’s underwear in the freezer? To give him the cold shoulder.
  3. My wife and I tried spicing up our love life with some handcuffs. I lost the key, and we ended up having to call the fire department.
  4. Why did the husband tell his wife she was a 10? Because he had to round up.
  5. My wife and I tried to have sex in the car, but we couldn’t get the garage door to close.
  6. Why did the wife tell her husband he was driving her crazy? Because she wanted him to take her to the mall.
  7. My husband and I tried a threesome, but it was a disaster. It was hard enough to please each other, let alone a third person.
  8. Why did the husband tell his wife she was beautiful every day? Because he was hoping she would eventually believe it.
  9. My wife and I tried a little bondage in the bedroom. I tied her up, and she tied me down with guilt.
  10. Why did the wife tell her husband to sleep on the couch? Because she needed more room for her cats.
  11. My husband and I tried role-playing in the bedroom. He pretended to be a plumber, and I pretended not to be home.
  12. Why did the wife tell her husband to take off his clothes? Because she wanted to get to know him better.
  13. My wife and I tried to have sex in the shower, but we kept slipping and falling. It was like trying to wrestle a greased pig.
  14. Why did the husband tell his wife she was the love of his life? Because he was hoping she wouldn’t find out about his affair.
  15. My husband and I tried to have sex on the beach, but we ended up with sand in all the wrong places.
  16. Why did the wife tell her husband to put on a tuxedo? Because she wanted to be married to a rich man, even if only for one night.
  17. My wife and I tried to have sex on a plane, but the turbulence made it hard to stay in the Mile High Club.
  18. Why did the husband tell his wife she was the most beautiful woman in the world? Because he was blind.
  19. My husband and I tried to have sex in a hot air balloon, but the wind kept blowing us in the wrong direction.
  20. Why did the wife tell her husband to put on a police uniform? Because she wanted him to frisk her.

Marriage Jokes for Kids

Marriage Jokes for Kids:

  1. Why did the bride throw salt over her shoulder on her wedding day? To keep the evil spirits away.
  2. Why did the groom wear a bowtie to the wedding? Because he wanted to look sharp.
  3. Why did the flower girl sprinkle petals down the aisle? To make a path for the bride.
  4. Why did the bride wear a veil? To hide from the groom if he got cold feet.
  5. Why did the groom kiss the bride after the wedding ceremony? Because he couldn’t wait until the honeymoon.
  6. Why did the wedding cake go to the doctor? Because it was feeling tiered.
  7. Why did the bride cross the road? To get to the other groom.
  8. Why did the bride throw her bouquet at the wedding reception? To see who would be the next to get married.
  9. Why did the groomsmen wear matching suits? To show they were on the same team.
  10. Why did the wedding guests throw rice at the newlyweds? To bring them good luck.
  11. Why did the bride and groom have a wedding rehearsal? To make sure they didn’t trip down the aisle.
  12. Why did the bride and groom cut the wedding cake together? To symbolize their partnership.
  13. Why did the bride wear something old, something new, something borrowed, and something blue? To bring good luck to the marriage.
  14. Why did the wedding band play music during the ceremony? To set the mood for the romantic occasion.
  15. Why did the bride and groom exchange rings? To symbolize their commitment to each other.
  16. Why did the wedding guests raise a toast to the newlyweds? To wish them a happy life together.
  17. Why did the bride and groom dance together at the reception? To celebrate their love for each other.
  18. Why did the flower girl carry a basket of petals? To scatter them on the ground for the bride to walk on.
  19. Why did the bride and groom ride away in a fancy car after the reception? To start their new life together.
  20. Why did the wedding guests blow bubbles as the newlyweds left the ceremony? To create a magical moment.

Jokes About Marriage

Jokes About Marriage:

  1. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
  2. Marriage is a workshop where husband works and wife shops.
  3. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
  4. The best way to get most husbands to do something is to suggest that perhaps they’re too old to do it.
  5. Marriage is not a word; it is a sentence. It’s a life sentence!
  6. Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first, the ring; and then, you wake up.
  7. Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right and the other is the husband.
  8. Marriage is a lot like a game of chess. Except the board is a mess, and the pieces are drunk.
  9. Marriage is a fine institution, but I’m not ready for an institution yet.
  10. Marriage is a bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.
  11. Marriage is all about compromise. For example, my wife wants a cat, and I want a dog, so we compromise and get a cat.
  12. Marriage is a give and take relationship. You give me a headache, and I take some aspirin.
  13. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
  14. Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
  15. Marriage is like a game of poker. You start with a pair, and after a while, you wish you had a full house.
  16. Marriage is a journey where you get to sleep with the same person every night but always end up in different beds.
  17. Marriage is a union of two forgivers.
  18. Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
  19. Marriage is like a tornado: at first, there’s a lot of sucking and blowing, and in the end, someone loses a house.
  20. Marriage is like a soap opera: it’s always dramatic, and someone is always getting slapped.

Wife Jokes – One-Liners

Wife Jokes – One-Liners:

  1. My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
  2. I asked my wife if I was the only one she’s been with. She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.
  3. My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo. So, I had to put my foot down.
  4. I asked my wife if she ever fantasizes about me, and she said yes, about me taking out the trash, mowing the lawn, and doing the dishes.
  5. My wife says I’m too immature. I told her to get out of my fort.
  6. My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then, she stops to breathe.
  7. My wife says I have two faults: I don’t listen, and something else.
  8. I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace.” So, I bought her nothing.
  9. My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the roof.
  10. My wife is always stealing my t-shirts and sweaters. But, if I take one of her dresses, suddenly, “we need to talk.”
  11. My wife says I never listen to her. At least, I think that’s what she said.
  12. My wife says she wants me to treat her like a queen. So, I put her in charge of the remote and let her have the last slice of pizza.
  13. My wife’s cooking is so bad, the flies chipped in to fix the screen door.
  14. My wife asked me to help decorate the Christmas tree, so I put a few beers in the fridge and turned on the game. She seemed happy with the tree.
  15. My wife says I never take her anywhere expensive. So, I took her to the gas station.
  16. My wife said I need to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car and ignored her for a week.
  17. My wife asked me to buy her a magazine. I asked her which one, and she said, “anything with diamonds on the cover.” So, I got her a National Geographic with an article on conflict diamonds.
  18. My wife asked me if I would remarry if she died. I said, “Of course not, honey. I’d be too busy celebrating.”
  19. My wife asked me if I thought she was getting fat. I said, “No, I just think the scale is lying.”
  20. My wife says I’m like a child. So, I asked her to tuck me in and read me a bedtime story.

Husband Jokes – One-Liners

Husband Jokes – One-Liners:

  1. Why did God create man first? Because he needed a rough draft before creating the perfect creature – woman.
  2. Why do husbands fall asleep after sex? Because they’re tired from doing all the thinking.
  3. Why do husbands like lawn mowers? Because they’re the only thing they can push around that doesn’t talk back.
  4. Why do husbands have big feet? So they can find their way back to the kitchen.
  5. What do you call a man who lost 95% of his intelligence? A divorcee.
  6. Why do husbands always have a beer gut? Because it’s easier to park a beer than to park a car.
  7. Why do husbands always ask their wives what they want for dinner? Because they’re hoping she’ll say, “Something I don’t have to cook.”
  8. Why do husbands wear aftershave? Because they don’t know how to apply perfume.
  9. Why do husbands never listen? Because they have selective hearing.
  10. Why do husbands always forget their wedding anniversary? Because they’re too busy remembering the day their favorite sports team won the championship.
  11. Why do husbands have a conscience? Because it’s the little voice that tells them not to get caught.
  12. Why do husbands always want to watch the game? Because they can’t handle the drama of real life.
  13. Why do husbands always tell the same jokes? Because they’re too lazy to think of new ones.
  14. Why do husbands always take the remote control to bed with them? Because they know that’s the only way they’ll get to touch something that night.
  15. Why do husbands always ask their wives where something is? Because they’re secretly hoping she’ll find it for them.
  16. Why do husbands always ask their wives if they’re almost ready? Because they know they’re not even close.
  17. Why do husbands always leave the toilet seat up? Because it’s the only way they can ensure they’ll have a place to sit in the morning.
  18. Why do husbands always insist on driving? Because they’re afraid they’ll get lost if their wives drive.
  19. Why do husbands always say “yes dear”? Because they’re hoping to get lucky later.
  20. Why do husbands always forget to take out the trash? Because they’re too busy trying to figure out how to get out of doing it.

Engagement Jokes

Engagement Jokes:

  1. I proposed to my girlfriend, and she said yes! But, I think she misunderstood me when I said, “I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” I meant like, the rest of today.
  2. Getting engaged is a lot like putting a down payment on a house. You’re committing to something you can’t afford.
  3. My friend got engaged, and I asked him how he proposed. He said, “I got down on one knee, looked into her eyes, and said, ‘Will you do me the honor of being my arm candy for the rest of my life?'” Smooth.
  4. My girlfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday, and I said, “A ring.” So, she got me a keychain with a picture of Saturn on it.
  5. Getting engaged is like being given a coupon for a free oil change. It’s nice, but you know it’s just the beginning of a long road of expenses.
  6. My girlfriend and I got engaged on April Fool’s Day. I don’t know if that means we’re a joke or if we’re just really committed to pranking each other.
  7. My fiancé asked me to describe our relationship in one word. I said, “Expensive.”
  8. I proposed to my girlfriend at the beach, and she said yes. I was so happy; I could have walked on water. But then I realized the tide was coming in, and I had to swim back to shore.
  9. My fiancé proposed to me in a hot air balloon. It was romantic until I realized I was afraid of heights and had to spend the entire time huddled in the corner.
  10. My friend got engaged, and I asked him how he knew she was the one. He said, “I asked myself, ‘Can I live without her?’ And then I realized, ‘I don’t want to find out.'”
  11. I proposed to my girlfriend at a restaurant, and the waiter brought out the wrong dessert. It was a good thing I had a ring in my pocket; otherwise, it would have been a disaster.
  12. My fiancé proposed to me in the middle of a marathon. It was a great way to distract me from how much my feet hurt.
  13. I asked my girlfriend to marry me, and she said no. But, on the bright side, she said it in a really nice way.
  14. My fiancé proposed to me on a mountaintop. It was beautiful until I realized I was wearing the wrong shoes and had to slide down on my butt.
  15. I proposed to my girlfriend, and she said, “Yes, but only if we can get a prenup.” I said, “Okay, but only if you sign it with a heart.”
  16. My friend proposed to his girlfriend in a skydiving simulator. I don’t know if it was romantic or just really dangerous.
  17. My fiancé proposed to me with a treasure hunt. It was a lot of fun until I realized the “treasure” was just a ring.
  18. I proposed to my girlfriend with a message in a bottle. It took her six months to find it, but at least it gave me enough time to save up for the ring.
  19. My fiancé proposed to me with a flash mob. I don’t know if it was romantic or just really embarrassing.
  20. I proposed to my girlfriend on a gondola ride in Venice. It was perfect until the gondolier started singing “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston.

Marriage Dad Jokes

Marriage Dad Jokes:

  1. Why do brides always wear white? Because it’s the color of surrender.
  2. I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, “Something that goes from 0 to 100 in 3 seconds.” So, I got her a bathroom scale.
  3. What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
  4. What do you call an alligator in a suit? An executive.
  5. Why do bees hum? Because they don’t know the words.
  6. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  7. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  8. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
  9. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
  10. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
  11. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
  12. What do you get when you cross a bear and a skunk? Winnie the Pew.
  13. Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
  14. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
  15. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
  16. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack? An abdominal snowman.
  17. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice.
  18. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumbly.
  19. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
  20. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.

Christian Marriage Jokes

Christian Marriage Jokes:

  1. Why did Adam and Eve never have a date? Because they ate the only apple they had.
  2. Why did Moses get a divorce? He broke all ten commandments.
  3. What is a man’s idea of a balanced diet? A beer in each hand.
  4. Why did Noah build the ark? Because he knew he was going to need a lot of wood.
  5. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  6. Why do they say Jesus saves? Because he’s always putting things on the cross.
  7. What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christ-ler.
  8. What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin Mobile.
  9. Why did Jesus cross the road? To get to the other side.
  10. Why do they say “Amen” at the end of a prayer? Because nobody wants to say “Goodbye” to God.
  11. Why did God create man first? Because he needed a rough draft before creating the perfect creature – woman.
  12. What do you call a group of cows singing hymns? A moo-sical.
  13. Why did the devil go to church? To collect his social security.
  14. Why do they call it Good Friday? Because it’s good for our sins.
  15. Why do they call it the Gospel? Because it’s good news.
  16. What did one angel say to the other? Halo there!
  17. Why do people say “Bless you” when you sneeze? Because it’s a polite way of saying, “Get your germs off me.”
  18. Why don’t they play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
  19. What do you call a pastor who’s also a dog? A Collar-ado.
  20. Why did the chicken join the church choir? He wanted to be a lay egg-singer.

Couples Jokes

Couples Jokes:

  1. What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing, it just let out a little wine.
  2. Why did the couple go to the gym on Valentine’s Day? To work on their love handles.
  3. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
  4. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it was feeling crumbly.
  5. Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
  6. Why did the man put his money in the freezer? He wanted cold hard cash.
  7. Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide.
  8. Why do bees hum? Because they don’t know the words.
  9. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark? Frostbite.
  10. Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two-tired.
  11. Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.
  12. Why do cows wear bells? Because their horns don’t work.
  13. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.
  14. Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road? Because it ran out of juice.
  15. Why don’t oysters give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
  16. Why don’t ants get sick? They have tiny ant-bodies.
  17. Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything.
  18. What do you get when you cross a bear and a skunk? Winnie the Pew.
  19. Why did the man break up with his banker girlfriend? He lost interest.
  20. Why did the man go on a date with his calendar? Because he heard it was a good match.

Wife Jokes to Husband

Wife Jokes to Husband:

  1. Why did God create man first? Because he needed a rough draft before creating the perfect creature – woman.
  2. Why do husbands always leave the toilet seat up? Because it’s the only way they can ensure they’ll have a place to sit in the morning.
  3. I asked my husband what he wanted for his birthday, and he said, “Nothing would make me happier than a day without hearing your voice.” So, I gave him a pair of earplugs.
  4. My husband says I’m too controlling. But, he’s the one who insists on putting the toilet paper roll on backward.
  5. My husband says I’m like a broken record. I’m starting to think he doesn’t appreciate my classic hits.
  6. My husband says he’s not afraid of commitment. So, I asked him to commit to putting his clothes in the hamper.
  7. My husband says he’s a multitasker. But, he can’t even watch TV without scrolling through his phone at the same time.
  8. My husband says he’s a great listener. But, he always interrupts me to give his opinion.
  9. My husband says he’s handy around the house. But, he can’t even change a light bulb without calling an electrician.
  10. My husband says he’s a romantic at heart. But, his idea of a romantic dinner is takeout in front of the TV.
  11. My husband says he’s a great driver. But, he can’t even park the car straight in the garage.
  12. My husband says he’s always right. But, he doesn’t seem to remember the time he was wrong about our anniversary.
  13. My husband says he’s not forgetful. But, he can’t even remember where he left his keys.
  14. My husband says he’s a great cook. But, his signature dish is a burnt grilled cheese sandwich.
  15. My husband says he’s a good dancer. But, I’ve seen him do the robot, and it’s not pretty.
  16. My husband says he’s a fashion icon. But, he still wears the same t-shirt he had in college.
  17. My husband says he’s a handyman. But, he can’t even fix the squeaky door.
  18. My husband says he’s not a picky eater. But, he won’t eat anything green.
  19. My husband says he’s a good listener. But, he falls asleep during our conversations.
  20. My husband says he’s always up for an adventure. But, his idea of an adventure is trying a new flavor of potato chips.

Jokes for Wife

Jokes for Wife:

  1. Why do women always go to the bathroom in pairs? Because the toilet seat is always up in the men’s room.
  2. My wife says I never take her anywhere expensive. So, I took her to the gas station.
  3. My wife’s cooking is so bad, the flies chipped in to fix the screen door.
  4. My wife asked me if I would remarry if she died. I said, “Of course not, honey. I’d be too busy celebrating.”
  5. My wife says I’m like a child. So, I asked her to tuck me in and read me a bedtime story.
  6. My wife asked me to buy her a magazine. I asked her which one, and she said, “anything with diamonds on the cover.” So, I got her a National Geographic with an article on conflict diamonds.
  7. My wife asked me if I thought she was getting fat. I said, “No, I just think the scale is lying.”
  8. My wife says I need to be more in touch with my feminine side, so I crashed the car and ignored her for a week.
  9. My wife says she wants me to treat her like a queen. So, I put her in charge of the remote and let her have the last slice of pizza.
  10. My wife asked me to help decorate the Christmas tree, so I put a few beers in the fridge and turned on the game. She seemed happy with the tree.
  11. My wife said I need to be more romantic. So, I got her a candlelit dinner at the gas station.
  12. My wife said she wanted a diamond for our anniversary. So, I got her a deck of cards with a diamond on the back.

Wedding MC Joke (Wedding Emcee Joke)

Wedding MC Joke (Wedding Emcee Joke):

  1. Why did the bride wear white? Because she wanted to blend in with the snow on the ground.
  2. Why did the groom wear black? Because he’s mourning his freedom.
  3. Why do they call it a wedding cake? Because it’s the one thing the bride can have her way with.
  4. Why did the bride cross the road? To get to the other aisle.
  5. Why did the bride and groom climb to the top of the mountain? So they could be wedded bliss.
  6. Why did the bride and groom have a wedding in the woods? So they could tie the knot.
  7. Why did the bride and groom have a wedding in the ocean? So they could take the plunge.
  8. Why did the bride and groom have a wedding in a church? So they could have a divine union.
  9. Why did the bride and groom have a wedding in a museum? So they could be on exhibit.
  10. Why did the bride and groom have a wedding in a parking lot? So they could get hitched.
  11. Why did the bride and groom have a wedding in a zoo? So they could have a wild time.
  12. Why did the bride and groom have a wedding on a boat? So they could set sail on the seas of love.
  13. Why did the bride and groom have a wedding in a hot air balloon? So they could rise above it all.
  14. Why did the bride and groom have a wedding in a theater? So they could have a show-stopping ceremony.
  15. Why did the bride and groom have a wedding in a vineyard? So they could toast to their love.
  16. Why did the bride and groom have a wedding in a castle? So they could have a fairy tale ending.
  17. Why did the bride and groom have a wedding on a farm? So they could sow the seeds of love.
  18. Why did the bride and groom have a wedding in a bookstore? So they could start a new chapter in their lives.
  19. Why did the bride and groom have a wedding in a lighthouse? So they could light the way to their future together.
  20. Why did the bride and groom have a wedding in a treehouse? So they could climb to new heights in their relationship.

Clean Marriage Jokes

Clean Marriage Jokes:

  1. Why did the married couple go to the gym? To work on their wedding bands.
  2. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
  3. Why did the wife refuse to play cards with her husband? Because he was always trying to deal with her.
  4. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
  5. I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday. She said, “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace.” So I bought her nothing.
  6. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
  7. My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
  8. Why did the man ask his wife for a map? Because he got lost in her eyes.
  9. Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke, and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
  10. My wife told me I was a fool to build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
  11. Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up.
  12. A husband and wife are like two tires on a car. If one goes flat, the other will still get you to the destination, but it won’t be a smooth ride.
  13. What do you call a marriage counselor? A referee.
  14. Marriage is like a public toilet: those waiting outside are desperate to get in, and those inside are desperate to get out.

Funny Master of Ceremony Jokes (Wedding Officiant Jokes)

Funny Master of Ceremony Jokes (Wedding Officiant Jokes):

  1. “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the wedding ceremony of the century. And by century, I mean the last 100 minutes of single life for our happy couple!”
  2. “I am honored to be the master of ceremony for this wedding. And just like the groom, I too am nervous and hoping to make it through this speech without embarrassing myself.”
  3. “I know the bride and groom are excited to start their life together, but let’s not forget that marriage is a partnership. It’s like a two-man team, with the husband doing everything the wife says.”
  4. “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to be institutionalized? Just kidding, of course, congratulations to our newlyweds!”
  5. “I would like to congratulate the bride and groom on choosing each other. You’ve shown the world that true love is blind, deaf, and doesn’t know how to use Google.”
  6. “As the master of ceremony, I have a big responsibility to make this wedding unforgettable. And by unforgettable, I mean, I hope no one remembers the speeches tomorrow.”
  7. “I’ve been asked to keep this speech short and sweet, just like the groom. Congratulations to the happy couple!”
  8. “They say marriage is a gamble, but I’m pretty sure our newlyweds have a winning hand. Congratulations!”
  9. “I was going to tell a joke about marriage, but I’m afraid it might offend someone. So, I’ll just stick to congratulating the bride and groom on their big day.”
  10. “I would like to propose a toast to the happy couple. May your love be like a fine wine, getting better with age and leaving a lasting impression on everyone around you.”

Funny Jokes for Newly Married Couples

Funny Jokes for Newly Married Couples:

  1. “Congratulations on finding the one person who will put up with your craziness for the rest of your life!”
  2. “They say marriage is a give-and-take relationship, but just remember to give a lot more than you take. Unless we’re talking about the last piece of cake.”
  3. “Marriage is like a game of chess, you have to think before you move, and sometimes sacrifice your queen for the greater good.”
  4. “Remember, communication is the key to a successful marriage. Unless you’re arguing about who left the toilet seat up, then it’s every man for himself.”
  5. “Marriage is a wonderful journey filled with love, laughter, and compromises. And just like any other journey, it’s always better with a GPS.”
  6. “Marriage is like a road trip, with its ups and downs, twists and turns, and a lot of snacks along the way.”
  7. “The secret to a happy marriage is to never go to bed angry. Stay up and argue until someone falls asleep, and then claim victory in the morning.”
  8. “Congratulations on finding someone who will love you even when you’re hangry, sleep-deprived, and haven’t showered in days. That’s true love right there.”
  9. “Marriage is a partnership, but let’s be honest, someone always wears the pants. And if you’re lucky, it’s the person who knows how to do laundry.”
  10. “They say the first year of marriage is the hardest. Just remember, if you can survive a road trip together, you can survive anything.”

Wedding Day Funnies

Wedding Day Funnies:

  1. “Today is the day two hearts become one, two families become one, and two bank accounts become one. Congratulations!”
  2. “Marriage is like a deck of cards, you start with a full deck, but after a few years, you’re left with a handful of diamonds and a lot of clubs.”
  3. “Today, we are not just celebrating the union of two people in love, but also the union of two families who have agreed to share their bathroom for the rest of their lives.”
  4. “It’s a beautiful day for a wedding, and if it starts to rain, just remember, the wetter the bride, the luckier the groom.”
  5. “Marriage is a journey filled with love, trust, and compromise. And if you’re lucky, a lot of cake along the way.”
  6. “As we gather here today to witness the union of two hearts, let’s not forget the most important part of any wedding – the open bar.”
  7. “Marriage is like a dance, it takes two people to make it work, and sometimes you step on each other’s toes. But with a little practice, you’ll have the whole room applauding.”
  8. “The bride and groom have promised to love and cherish each other, in sickness and in health, until death do they part. And let’s hope they don’t catch each other’s colds anytime soon.”
  9. “Today, the bride and groom are exchanging vows and rings, but let’s not forget the most important exchange of the day – the exchanging of the credit card statements.”
  10. “Marriage is a beautiful thing, and the bride and groom are starting their journey today. Just remember, if you need directions, ask the person who never admits to being lost – the groom.”

Short Wedding Jokes

Short Wedding Jokes:

  1. “They say marriage is a 50/50 partnership. But in reality, it’s more like a 90/10 partnership, with the person who is 90% always being the one to do the dishes.”
  2. “Marriage is a lot like a rollercoaster, there will be ups and downs, twists and turns, and sometimes you’ll feel like you’re about to throw up.”
  3. “The groom has promised to love, honor, and cherish the bride, but let’s not forget the most important promise of all – to always let her have the last slice of pizza.”
  4. “Marriage is like a deck of cards, you start with a full deck, but after a few years, you’re left with a handful of diamonds and a lot of clubs.”
  5. “The secret to a happy marriage is simple – always say ‘yes, dear’ and never forget the anniversary.”
  6. “They say love is blind, but let’s hope the bride and groom have 20/20 vision when it comes to signing the prenup.”
  7. “Marriage is a journey, and just like any other journey, it’s always better with snacks.”
  8. “The bride and groom have promised to love and cherish each other until death do they part. Let’s hope they don’t catch each other’s colds anytime soon.”
  9. “The bride and groom have pledged their love and devotion to each other, but let’s not forget the real reason they’re getting married – to throw an awesome party.”
  10. “Marriage is a beautiful thing, and the bride and groom are starting their journey today. Just remember, if you need directions, ask the person who never admits to being lost – the groom.”

Wedding Jokes for Groom

Wedding Jokes for Groom:

  1. “Congratulations, groom! You’re officially off the market, and now you can finally put your phone down and pay attention to your wife.”
  2. “Groom, I know you’re a little nervous about this whole marriage thing, but don’t worry, the bride has already picked out your outfit for the next 50 years.”
  3. “The groom has promised to love, honor, and cherish the bride, but let’s not forget the most important promise of all – to always take out the trash.”
  4. “Groom, today is the day you start a new chapter in your life. And just like any good book, there will be plot twists, character development, and a lot of coffee.”
  5. “They say a happy wife equals a happy life. So, groom, make sure you always have a smile on your face and an extra cup of coffee for your bride.”
  6. Groom, today you’re not just gaining a wife, but also a personal shopper, chef, and laundry service. Congratulations!”
  7. “The groom has promised to love and cherish the bride until death do they part. Let’s hope he remembers to keep his socks off the floor until then.”
  8. “Groom, remember that marriage is a partnership, and just like any good partnership, there will be compromises. So, make sure you’re always willing to compromise on the toppings for your pizza.”
  9. “Today, the groom is taking the biggest step of his life. And just like any big step, it’s always better with a shot of tequila.”
  10. “The groom has promised to love, honor, and cherish the bride, but let’s not forget the most important promise of all – to always let her have the last slice of cake.”

Wedding Jokes for Bride

Wedding Jokes for Bride:

  1. “Congratulations, bride! You’ve finally found someone who can handle your craziness for the rest of your life.”
  2. “Bride, today you’re not just gaining a husband, but also a personal tech support, handyman, and designated driver. Congratulations!”
  3. “The bride has promised to love and cherish the groom, but let’s not forget the most important promise of all – to always let him have the remote.”
  4. “Bride, today you’re becoming a wife, but don’t worry, you can still have your cake and eat it too. Just make sure you share with your new husband.”
  5. “They say marriage is a partnership, and the bride is the CEO. So, make sure you always have a cup of coffee in hand and a to-do list ready for your new husband.”
  6. “The bride has promised to love and cherish the groom until death do they part. Let’s hope he remembers to put the toilet seat down until then.”
  7. “Bride, today is the day you start a new chapter in your life. And just like any good book, there will be plot twists, character development, and a lot of wine.”
  8. “Congratulations, bride! Today you’re not just getting a husband, but also a partner in crime. So, make sure you always have an alibi ready.”
  9. “The bride has promised to love and cherish the groom, but let’s not forget the most important promise of all – to always let him have the last slice of pizza.”
  10. “Bride, today you’re not just getting a husband, but also a personal alarm clock, chef, and laundry service. Congratulations on your new employee!”

Husband and Wife Humor

Husband and Wife Humor:

  1. “Marriage is a partnership, but let’s be honest, someone always wears the pants. And if you’re lucky, it’s the person who knows how to do laundry.”
  2. “They say marriage is a give-and-take relationship, but just remember to give a lot more than you take. Unless we’re talking about the last piece of cake.”
  3. “Marriage is like a dance, it takes two people to make it work, and sometimes you step on each other’s toes. But with a little practice, you’ll have the whole room applauding.”
  4. “The secret to a happy marriage is to never go to bed angry. Stay up and argue until someone falls asleep, and then claim victory in the morning.”
  5. “Marriage is a journey, and just like any other journey, it’s always better with snacks.”
  6. “They say love is blind, but in marriage, you have to keep your eyes wide open and be ready to dodge the flying dishes.”
  7. “Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to be institutionalized? Just kidding, of course, congratulations to our newlyweds!”
  8. “Marriage is like a road trip, with its ups and downs, twists and turns, and a lot of snacks along the way.”
  9. “The secret to a happy marriage is simple – always say ‘yes, dear’ and never forget the anniversary.”
  10. “Marriage is a lot like a deck of cards, you start with a full deck, but after a few years, you’re left with a handful of diamonds and a lot of clubs.”

Spouse Jokes

Spouse Jokes:

  1. “They say behind every successful man is a woman. But in reality, she’s usually the one telling him what to do.”
  2. “The secret to a happy marriage is to always say ‘I love you’, even when you’re secretly thinking ‘I want to strangle you’.”
  3. “They say marriage is a give-and-take relationship, but in my experience, it’s more like a give-and-take-and-take-some-more relationship.”
  4. “Marriage is like a deck of cards, you start with a full deck, but after a few years, you’re left with a handful of diamonds and a lot of clubs.”
  5. “The secret to a happy marriage is simple – always say ‘yes, dear’ and never forget the anniversary.”
  6. “Marriage is a partnership, but let’s be honest, someone always wears the pants. And if you’re lucky, it’s the person who knows how to do laundry.”
  7. “The best part of marriage is having someone to share your life with. The worst part is having someone to share your bed with on a hot summer night.”
  8. “Marriage is like a dance, it takes two people to make it work, and sometimes you step on each other’s toes. But with a little practice, you’ll have the whole room applauding.”
  9. “The secret to a happy marriage is to never go to bed angry. Stay up and argue until someone falls asleep, and then claim victory in the morning.”
  10. “They say love is blind, but in marriage, you have to keep your eyes wide open and be ready to dodge the flying dishes.”

FAQs – Marriage Jokes

What are some jokes about marriage?

Jokes about Marriage:

  1. Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.
  2. The secret to a happy marriage remains a secret.
  3. Marriage is a three-ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
  4. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond, but by the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
  5. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
  6. Marriage is not just about finding the right person, but about being the right person.
  7. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
  8. Marriage is a great institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
  9. Marriage is like a fine wine; if tended properly, it gets better with age.
  10. A good marriage is like a casserole. Only those responsible for it really know what goes into it.
  11. Marriage is like a game of chess, except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke, and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome.
  12. Marriage is like a bank account. You put in, you take out, and you lose interest.
  13. Marriage is like a soap opera: once you think you’ve got the plot figured out, they throw in a new twist.
  14. Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
  15. Marriage is a journey where the road is bumpy and the passengers are demanding.
  16. Marriage is the only war where you sleep with the enemy.
  17. Marriage is a union of two forgivers.
  18. Marriage is when a man and woman become one. The trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
  19. Marriage is like a mirror; when you look at it, you see yourself.
  20. Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

What are some jokes about husbands?

Jokes about Husbands:

  1. How do you keep your husband from reading your email? Rename the mail folder “Instruction Manual.”
  2. The perfect husband is one who doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t gamble, and doesn’t exist.
  3. Why do husbands like lawn mowers? Because they’re always looking for someone to push them around.
  4. Why did the husband cross the road? To get to the chicken.
  5. A husband is someone who takes out the trash and then complains that there’s nothing to eat.
  6. Why do husbands die before their wives? Because they want to.
  7. How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares?!
  8. What do you call a man who has lost 95% of his intelligence? A widower.
  9. Why do men like smart women? Opposites attract.
  10. Men are like parking spots. All the good ones are taken, and the rest are handicapped.

What are some jokes about wives?

Jokes about Wives:

  1. Why do wives always have to be right? Because they’re married to husbands who are always wrong.
  2. Why did the wife cross the road? To get to the divorce lawyer.
  3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
  4. Why do wives nag? Because they think they’re smarter than their husbands.
  5. Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife nags.
  6. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is a king and a queen, but by the end, you’re looking for a joker and an escape.
  7. A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
  8. Why do wives always take a long time to get ready? Because they have to apply their entire face.
  9. Marriage is like a public toilet; those waiting outside are desperate to get in, and those inside are desperate to get out.
  10. Why do wives have more brains than horses? Because they have to deal with more jackasses.
  11. Marriage is like a game of poker. You start with a pair, and by the end, you wish you had a full house.
  12. A wife is someone who stands by you through all the troubles you wouldn’t have had if you had stayed single.
  13. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A widow.
  14. Why do women talk so much? Because they have twice as many words to use as men do.
  15. Marriage is like a public bathhouse in which those outside are desperate to get in, and those inside are desperate to get out.
  16. Why do women marry men who are more intelligent, handsome, and successful? Because opposites attract.
  17. A wife is someone who will stick with you through thick and thin, unless she’s the one who made you thin in the first place.
  18. Why do wives always ask for their husband’s opinions? Because they don’t have any of their own.
  19. Marriage is like a bank account. You can only get out what you put in, and if you put in nothing, you get nothing out.
  20. A wife is someone who will always support and love you, no matter how big of a pain in the butt you are.

What are some funny things to say at a wedding?

Funny things to say at a Wedding:

  1. Marriage is a journey, and today you embark on a lifetime of adventure together.
  2. Congratulations! You two make the perfect couple, like peanut butter and jelly, or macaroni and cheese.
  3. May your love be like a fart – silent, but deadly.
  4. Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is a heart and a diamond, but by the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.
  5. Marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.
  6. Marriage is a partnership where both parties are equally responsible for the other’s happiness.
  7. Marriage is a lot like a roller coaster ride. There will be ups and downs, but as long as you hold on tight and enjoy the ride, it will be a thrilling experience.
  8. May your love be like a good wine, getting better with age.
  9. You two are the perfect match. You’re like two peas in a pod, or two socks in a dryer.
  10. May your love be like a flame that never goes out, no matter how many times you blow on it.
  11. The secret to a happy marriage is to never go to bed angry. Instead, stay up and fight all night!
  12. Marriage is like a jigsaw puzzle. It takes time and patience to put all the pieces together, but once it’s complete, it’s a beautiful work of art.
  13. Congratulations! Today you’re starting a new chapter in your lives together, and I can’t wait to see what amazing things the two of you will accomplish.
  14. May your love be like a garden, growing and blooming more beautiful with each passing day.
  15. Remember, marriage is not just about finding the right person, but about being the right person for each other.
  16. Congratulations on finding your soulmate. Now you can finally stop using that dating app!
  17. Today you’re not just two individuals, but a team. Together you can accomplish anything.

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