109+ Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield was a legendary American stand-up comedian and actor known for his self-deprecating humor and one-liners.

His quotes are characterized by several distinct features, including:

• Self-Deprecation: Rodney Dangerfield’s humor often centered around making fun of himself and his perceived lack of respect from others. His quotes often highlight his insecurities and failures in a humorous way.
• Irony: Dangerfield often used irony to create humor in his quotes. He would make statements that were unexpected or opposite to what one might expect, creating a comedic effect.
• Exaggeration: Dangerfield’s quotes often exaggerated situations to a humorous degree. This included exaggerating his own personal shortcomings, as well as the flaws of others and society in general.
• Sarcasm: Dangerfield’s humor was often sarcastic, with a dry wit that would make fun of people or situations without necessarily being mean-spirited.
• Observational humor: Dangerfield had a talent for finding humor in everyday situations and observations. He would take a mundane event and find a way to make it funny by highlighting the absurdity or irony of the situation.

Overall, Rodney Dangerfield’s quotes are characterized by their cleverness, wit, and ability to make people laugh by poking fun at the quirks and idiosyncrasies of life.

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Here are some Rodney Dangerfield quotes:

1. “I get no respect.”
2. “My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.”
3. “I’m not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker, she took one look at me and said, ‘I’m sorry, I can’t do it.'”
4. “I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown tie.”
5. “I’m so ugly, when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.”
6. “I’m so old, I remember when the Dead Sea was just sick.”
7. “I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”
8. “I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.”
9. “I’m so short, when I go to bed, I have to turn off the light from the floor.”
10. “I’m so clumsy, I once got tangled up in a cordless phone.”
11. “I’m so fat, when I wear a yellow raincoat, people yell ‘taxi!'”
12. “My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.”
13. “My wife’s cooking is so bad, the flies pitched in to fix the screen door.”
14. “I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”
15. “I’m so old, I remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.”
16. “My wife and I were happy for three years. Then we met.”
17. “I’m so old, my social security number is 1.”
18. “I haven’t spoken to my mother-in-law in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.”
19. “I’m so ugly, my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.”
20. “I’m so old, I remember when the Dead Sea was only sick.”
21. “My wife said she’s leaving me because of my obsession with golf. Good luck finding someone who can play 18 holes in under 45 seconds.”
22. “I’m so stupid, I thought an elevator was a hotel room for dwarfs.”
23. “I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”
24. “I’m so poor, I can’t even afford to pay attention.”
25. “I’m so old, I remember when the Grand Canyon was just a ditch.”
26. “I’m so short, when I sit in a low chair, my feet dangle.”
27. “I’m so ugly, when I walk by a bathroom, the toilet flushes.”
28. “I’m so old, I remember when the Rolling Stones were just rocks.”
29. “I’m so poor, I can’t even afford to pay attention.”
30. “I’m so short, I can play handball on the curb.”
31. “I’m so old, I remember when the Dead Sea was just feeling a little under the weather.”
32. “I’m so ugly, when I was a kid, my mother fed me with a slingshot.”
33. “I’m so old, I remember when the pyramids were just big sandcastles.”
34. “I’m so short, I need a ladder to get up to the bottom rung of the corporate ladder.”
35. “I’m so old, my blood type was discontinued.”
36. “I’m so ugly, I once worked in a pet store, and people kept asking how big I’d get.”
37. “I’m so old, when I was a kid, rainbows were black and white.”
38. “I’m so short, I have to get up on a chair to look a rat in the eye.”
39. “I’m so ugly, I went to a freak show and they said, ‘Sorry, not you.'”
40. “I’m so old, when I was young, the Dead Sea was just sick.”
41. “I’m so stupid, I thought a quarterback was a refund.”
42. “I’m so fat, when I wear high heels, I strike oil.”
43. “I’m so old, my birth certificate is in Roman numerals.”
44. “I’m so ugly, my mother had morning sickness after I was born.”
45. “I’m so short, I can play handball on the wall.”
46. “I’m so old, when I was a boy, the Dead Sea was just feeling a little sick.”
47. “I’m so stupid, I thought a sewer worker was a historian.”
48. “I’m so fat, when I get on the scale, it says, ‘To be continued.'”
49. “I’m so old, when I was young, rainbows were just shades of gray.”
50. “I’m so ugly, when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother and said, ‘Congratulations, Mrs. Dangerfield, you gave birth to a lizard.'”
51. “I’m so short, I can play handball with a tennis ball.”
52. “I’m so old, when I was a kid, the Dead Sea was only feeling a little bit better.”
53. “I’m so stupid, I thought an ashtray was a place to keep your ashes.”
54. “I’m so fat, when I go to a restaurant, they don’t give me a menu, they give me an estimate.”
55. “I’m so old, I remember when the Grand Canyon was just a pothole.”
56. “I’m so ugly, when I was a kid, my parents had to tie a pork chop around my neck just so the dog would play with me.”
57. “I’m so short, I have to stand on my tiptoes to see over a cigarette.”
58. “I’m so old, when I was young, they called me prehistoric man.”
59. “I’m so stupid, I thought a thermostat was a doctor who specialized in skin diseases.”
60. “I’m so fat, when I went to the beach, Greenpeace tried to drag me back into the water.”
61. “I’m so old, when I was a kid, the Dead Sea was just feeling a little bit off.”
62. “I’m so ugly, I once got a job at a haunted house and they let me keep the mask.”
63. “I’m so short, I can do push-ups under the door.”
64. “I’m so old, I remember when the Sphinx had a nose.”
65. “I’m so stupid, I thought a trampoline was a kind of hat.”
66. “I’m so fat, when I sit around the house, I sit AROUND the house.”
67. “I’m so old, I remember when Adam and Eve were dating.”
68. “I’m so ugly, I once entered a contest and they said, ‘Sorry, no professionals.'”
69. “I’m so old, I remember when the Dead Sea was feeling a little better.”
70. “I’m so stupid, I thought a bulldozer was a really muscular dog.”
71. “I’m so fat, when I wear a yellow raincoat, people run after me with forks and knives.”
72. “I’m so ugly, when I was a baby, my parents had to put a sign on the crib that said, ‘Caution: Ugly Baby.'”
73. “I’m so short, I can’t even see over a saltine cracker.”

These are just a few examples of Rodney Dangerfield’s hilarious and iconic one-liners.

His ability to turn his insecurities and failures into comedic gold made him a beloved figure in the world of comedy.

Rodney Dangerfield Caddyshack Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield Caddyshack Quotes:

1. “Hey everybody, we’re all gonna get laid!”
2. “Last time I saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.”
3. “Oh, this is the worst-looking hat I ever saw. What, when you buy a hat like this I bet you get a free bowl of soup, huh?”
4. “I’m alright, nobody worry about me. Why you gotta give me a fight? Can’t you just let it be?”
5. “I tell ya, this steak still has marks where the jockey was hittin’ it.”
6. “It looks like a postage stamp with feet.”
7. “My doctor told me to watch my drinking. Now I drink in front of a mirror. I drink a bottle of scotch and then stare at myself in the mirror. And I get so drunk, I think I’m having a conversation with somebody.”
8. “I’ll tell ya, I don’t get no respect. My psychiatrist told me I’m going crazy. I told him, ‘If you don’t mind, I’d like a second opinion.’ He said, ‘Alright, you’re ugly too!'”
9. “I was an ugly kid. When I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.”
10. “My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.”

Rodney Dangerfield ‘I Get No Respect’ Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield ‘I Get No Respect’ Quotes:

1. “I’m not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker, she told me to come back when I got some money.”
2. “I get no respect at all. When I was a kid, my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.”
3. “I get no respect from anyone. I told my wife she looks sexy with her hair back…she didn’t have any hair.”
4. “I get no respect from anyone. I told my dentist my teeth are yellow, he told me to wear a brown tie.”
5. “I get no respect from anyone. The other day, a kid tried to rob me with a water pistol. I said, ‘Kid, you’re wasting your time. I’m already wet!'”
6. “I tell ya, I get no respect. When I was a kid, my parents got a dog. They named him ‘Stay’. Every time I called him, it was like, ‘Come here, Stay. Come here, Stay.’ You know what it’s like being the only one in the neighborhood with a dog with an accent?”
7. “I get no respect at all. When I was a kid, I got no respect from my parents. When I was born, they put me in a crib with a sign that said ‘Caution: Low Overhead.'”
8. “I get no respect from anyone. The other night, I was mugged by a Quaker. He said he wouldn’t hurt me, but I was afraid he’d talk me to death.”
9. “I get no respect from anyone. The other day, I asked the bartender for a beer. He said, ‘Only one?'”
10. “I get no respect from anyone. I went to a party, and they handed out prizes for the ugliest person there. I came in third.”

Best Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Best Rodney Dangerfield Quotes:

1. “I tell ya, I get no respect.”
2. “I don’t get no respect, I tell ya.”
3. “I don’t get no respect, no respect at all.”
4. “I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
5. “My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.”
6. “My mother never breastfed me. She told me she only liked me as a friend.”
7. “I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”
8. “I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.”
9. “I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.”

Funny Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Funny Rodney Dangerfield Quotes:

1. “I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”
2. “I was so poor growing up, if I wasn’t a boy, I’d have had nothing to play with.”
3. “I’m not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker, she told me to come back when I got some money.”
4. “My mother never breastfed me. She told me she only liked me as a friend.”
5. “I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.”
6. “I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.”
7. “I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.”
8. “I’m so ugly, my father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.”
9. “I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
10. “I was so poor, I couldn’t afford to pay attention.”

Famous Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Famous Rodney Dangerfield Quotes:

1. “I tell ya, I get no respect.”
2. “I don’t get no respect, I tell ya.”
3. “It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.”
4. “I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
5. “I was so ugly when I was born, the doctor slapped my mother.”
6. “I’m not a sexy guy. I went to a hooker, she told me to come back when I got some money.”
7. “I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.”
8. “My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.”
9. “I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.”
10. “I was so poor, I couldn’t afford to pay attention.”
11. “If the surgery goes well, I’ll be here about a week. If not, about an hour-and-a-half.”

Conclusion – Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

Rodney Dangerfield was a comedic legend known for his self-deprecating humor and iconic one-liners.

His quotes are characterized by their cleverness, wit, and ability to poke fun at the quirks and idiosyncrasies of life.

Dangerfield’s humor often centered around his perceived lack of respect and his ability to make fun of himself and others in a way that was both hilarious and relatable.

His legacy lives on through his timeless comedy routines and memorable quotes that continue to bring joy and laughter to audiences today.

Related

• George Carlin Quotes
• Funny Celebrity Quotes
• Car Jokes
• Mechanic Puns
• Doctor Jokes